old fashioned anne

Happy Things

2011-09-16T23:31:00.003-06:00

Life is kind of fabulous right now. I'm not sure if that's an indication that I'm living my life right, or if this is one of those moments where I'm supposed to catch my breath before the next crisis hits.

Within the past week I've

Saved one of my friend's from dropping out of school because of financial problems
Met Bill Nye the Science Guy
Had dinner with the Samoan Head of State
Won an essay contest that I wrote an essay for 3 hours before the deadline, and got $200 for it.

I think that that's a pretty good week, all things considered.

By the way

I moved to an amazing apartment with my own room
My roommates are angels and hilarious ones at that
I use half the gas in my car as I did before
I discovered that Peppermint ice cream is my new favorite flavor (It tastes like Christmas!)
My voice teacher helped me find my true singing voice
My professor pays students "grammer bucks"
I figured out how to do the poofy Utah hair that girls wear (tip: lots of teasing and hairspray)
Tonight I ran into one of my efy girls, a friend from high school, and an efy counselor friend, all at a Stake activity which means we'll be seeing a lot of each other
I still have a job in the President's Office on campus
My boss is a genius

The List of Happy Things could go on and on.

I feel pridefully accomplished. And very happy. If only my homework would work on itself. Or that I could do it in my sleep. That would be amazing.

Find something in life to be grateful for. There are tons of things all around us that we miss in the day to day stress. Finding things that make you happy will help you live longer.

I think.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Me.

Modesty for Guys

2011-08-28T16:50:00.004-06:00

This summer at EFY I had the great pleasure of co-teaching about the For Strength of Youth Standard of Dress and Appearance. It is so important for young men and young women to understand that being "modest" is something that the Lord asks us to do because the way that we dress and act is a reflection of who we are on the inside. It is critical for young women AND young men to realize that their dress and appearance choices can have a profoundly negative effect on those around them.

As part of the lesson, my co-teacher passed out pieces of paper to have youth of both genders write down their thoughts about the OPPOSITE gender when they are immodest. I came across the responses from the young women about the young men, and wanted to preserve them. So here's the list!

"Must be a jerk & treat girls like crap."

"Very uncomfortable.. PULL THOSE PANTS UP BOYS! No one wants to see the color of your boxers, shave those beards and cut your hair! If you don't, it just makes you look like a homeless person."

"I think they're just being disrespectful to us and it's just gross."

"I don't want to be around them."

"It makes me feel awkward and I wish that they would have more respect for themselves."

"I look away, it's awkward, I'm afraid...Something awkward will happen to guys wearing baggy pants."

"I think they look trashy and they look like druggies that have no standards."

"It makes me feel really uncomfortable when guys are 'immodest' or are showing too much, and it makes me want to yell something like 'Pull your pants up, no one wants to see your underwear' or 'Put some CLOTHES on!'"

"PULL UP YOUR PANTS! No one cares what color or pattern your boxers are .I would rather date a clean-cut guy than a guy with dirty, white tank top to see his muscles. Also, not wearing a shirt we can see your abs. WE DON'T CARE! If I can see your bajillion abs, you're probably a show-off that's not worth it. Also, most of us are not Bliebers or hippies, so keep your hair short. You're a guy, not a girl."

"It makes me feel really uncomfortable when I am around them and it sneds a bad message to my brain and its really hard to focus on the Spirit or on good things."

"If you don't take care of yourself then how are you going to treat your wife?"

"When a young man is immodest I feel like they are not honoring their priesthood. It makes it hard for me to respect the power they have."

"Honestly.. I feel slightly scared sometimes. I mean I don't fee secure and good anymore. Men w/ extreme hair and piercings gross me out! And I don't get what message they're trying to send by dressing that and looking that way because it just yells trash to me!"

"It makes me feel like he isn't someone who could take me to the temple. Basically, it's disgusting. Act like a royal son of God that you are."

"When guys dress immodest, it makes me think, is that how you'll treat me...sloppy?"

Preparing for Shabbat

2011-05-20T23:49:00.002-06:00

With all of the new coverage of the end of the world happening tomorrow, I started thinking about the Second Coming of the Savior. I posted a scripture on my facebook page that follows:

"Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh." -Matthew 25:13

We do not know when the Lord will come. We cannot know the day, or the hour. And why? Because the Lord has said that we will not. Good enough for me.

I think it would is wise to watch for His coming, and to observe the signs of His coming. It is also wise to be prepared for His coming, whether it is tomorrow or in twenty years. We need to be doing all that is in our power to prepare ourselves for His coming.

Today I was reading about the preparation for Shabbat, or Jewish Sabbath. There is a preparation time for the Sabbath, because there are many things that cannot be done then. I found so many parallels among the Jewish traditions that I thought it might be of value to share those here. Look for parallels in your own life to these ideas about the preparation time. (Taken from myjewishlearning.com)

-One prepares all week for the Sabbath
-The more observant you are of the details of Shabbat, the more you have to prepare before it arrives

-The true mark of a pious Jew is not that he or she is a shomer Shabbat (a Sabbath observer) but isshomer erev Shabbat (one who properly prepares on the eve of the Sabbath).

-One cannot shop on the Sabbath, so all of the shopping must be done on Friday
-Some Jewish men go to mikvah (a ritual bath) to cleanse themselves not only physically, but spiritually for the Sabbath.

-Many meditate and pray before the Sabbath begins.
-The entire family gathers to light candles and eat the final meal before the Sabbath begins.

May I make a few comments?

Those who are truly seeking the Kingdom of God will do so every day of the week to prepare, and they will not just be those who "go to church". We will bring with us our families, if we have helped them to prepare and they have done what is necessary to qualify for entrance into God's kingdom.

I have learned a lot from reading about the Jewish Shabbat, and the symbolism that it holds for the coming of Jesus Christ.

I know that as we prepare every day to greet the Savior, we are spending our preparation time wisely.

Writer's Block

2011-05-16T19:18:00.004-06:00

Sadly, I've had writer's block. And the worst part about it is that I have an article due for a news agency at noon tomorrow. I've pretty much got the article written, but I have no desire to finish it. The saddest part is that I've been so excited about this article for the past week, and now, I don't even want to try to finish it. I'm hoping that if I let all of my thoughts out here on my blog, I might be able to come up with the drive to finish.

I suppose it isn't really writer's block that is inhibiting my desire. I've been helping move my family. Packing, sorting, garage sales, chasing after the kids, playing pretend with them....And I feel exhausted. I think that the greatest part about this article is that it's supposed to be about reducing stress. That has been a blessing this week, thinking about how I can reduce moving stress...or at least recognize it for what it is.

I asked a professor to help me out with the article by being interviewed and she flatly refused, saying that it would be better to talk to a specialist on campus about that topic because it wasn't her specialty.

Bah.

As if having a degree in health disqualifies you from talking about it. If you teach it in the classroom, then you are qualified enough to talk about it.

So, I won't have an interview for my article. Disappointing.

And I can't concentrate on writing this post even. My paragraphs continue to get smaller and smaller.

So, I went and looked at photos of the homes of people who are hoarders. That might make an interesting article/blog post someday.

Alright. I'm going. Time to hash out an article on stress.

Daddy

2011-04-25T23:05:00.003-06:00

Dear Daddy-

I know that it's been two years since I last saw you. It seems like a long time. I know that we'll be together again soon...it might just take a few more years before it happens.

I miss riding in the car to work with you every morning, listening to Glenn Beck through the snowstorms, or the sunrise. Thanks for not hating me when I took those classes at 7am, which meant that you had to go to work at 6:30. Thanks for letting me use your printer to print off my papers that were due in less than an hour.....

I miss waiting for you to pick me up from work and listening to whoever the political talk show guys were that we listened to. I don't listen to them anymore because I'm not even sure what station was on.

I miss complaining about school to you and having you tell me how bad it was for you. I was kind of shocked when you told me that you got a C in one of your accounting classes. I think that you told me you failed a class once. It was silly, but it helped me get some perspective. I'll have you know that I haven't failed a class....yet....I hope you'll be proud.

I miss going to see the new, cool movies with you. I think that you would have like How to Train Your Dragon, Despicable Me and Tron. I miss you gagging at princess movies. I think you would have enjoyed Tangled.

I miss waking up early in the morning to find that you were already up and reading your scriptures. I know that you are a quiet, private kind of guy, but I'm glad that you read in the living room. Having your scriptures means so much more to me than it could have if I hadn't caught you reading.

I miss having somebody to squish my spiders. Though now I won't squish any crawling thing. I pretend that its because I don't want to kill them...but really, you were the only one who could squish spiders.

I miss having someone to eat the burned cookies and tell me that they are delicious, and then get in a fake argument with mom because she likes them uncooked. Sometimes I want to burn an entire batch of cookies just for you. You know that no one else would eat them if I did. Mom would pretend to be furious. Then I would make another double batch and undercook them. And the quadruple batch of cookies would be gone before the weekend was over.

I miss you eating your cereal out of a red, plastic cup.

I miss always having ice cream in the freezer. Not the strawberry stuff. Yuck. No one did like that kind. But I guess that's why you bought it. No one else would eat it.

I miss the smell of starch as mom ironed your shirts for work. The whole house would smell like it. I'm not sure that you knew that, because she hardly ironed while you were there.

I miss going to the temple with you. I'm glad that you took time out of your busy schedule to come do baptisms with us.

I miss you laughing.

I miss you crying.

I miss you snoring.

I miss you.

It won't be long now...I'll see you again soon.

Love from your daughter,

Anne.

P.S. Please ask Jesus when He is coming. I'm getting a little anxious.

What I've Learned...April 2010-April 2011

2011-04-20T07:26:00.002-06:00

First of all, my apologies for not writing for 3 months...or so...I am a student, and blogging hasn't really been on my priority list. But, it will be now, because finals are coming and I need a new way to procrastinate!

Anyways....

I try to write a "What I've Learned" list every year. A good friend of mine suggested it to me when life was getting me down. She helped me to see that I had been progressing, and that the Lord had been teaching me all along the way. It helped me gain the perspective that I needed to help me through that difficult circumstance.

What I've Learned: April 2010-2011

I've learned....

That I should constantly be looking beyond the mask that people put up to hide who they are or how they feel. "In the quiet heart is hidden, Sorrow that the eye can't see" (LDS Hymns #219, Because I have Been Given Much)
To care so much for others that I feel sad about missing an opportunity to serve them.
That when you do your very best, the Lord takes care of the rest.
To love with all of my heart "Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all"
To be completely honest with everyone around me, my family, my roommates, my friends, my date, strangers, leaders etc.
The Lord uses death as a tool for our spiritual growth
To not be afraid (I'm not sure if I've finished learning this though...)
An iPod touch is probably the best invention ever. Besides a Blentech blender. The only thing better than both of those in an iPhone
I need more than 6 hours of sleep every night.
Saying goodbye is hard.
Compassion is an important attribute to have. Everyone has struggles and weaknesses and just because it seems like yours are easier doesn't make you better than them.
Flame throwers make great substitute matches.
When I'm having a bad day I buy pizza or ice cream. When I'm having a HORRIFIC day I buy both.
Exercising every day makes you stronger. That's kind of a no brainer...but I have a testimony of it now.
Tri-folded wedding announcements look amazing.
One can survive with only 3 pairs of shoes.
The Lord will help you heal, sometimes immediately, sometimes later, and sometimes not in this life. It doesn't matter which way it happens, just remember that it always will.
Country music is therapeutic.
Mopping the floor on your hands and knees is a productive way to procrastinate paper writing.
Eating healthy makes you and your body happy.
You can put everything on an iPod touch, papers for class, books, LDS Institute manuals, pictures, music.....
There is literally an app for everything. Except a build-your-own-molecule app. Maybe I'll create it. Or suggest it to someone smarter than me.
Whole grains taste better.
Doing homework in the living room while your roommate is playing video games=being very, very distracted.

There's probably a lot more. But that's all that I can think of right now. :D

Gumbo

2011-02-04T20:12:00.002-07:00

So today I looked into my fridge, and my pantry, and wasn't hungry for anything in either of those.

So I was flipping through my Fannie Farmer cook book looking for something...anything!...that looked appetizing. I saw stuffed bell peppers....but it would take 45 minutes to bake. So that was a no go.

Then. I saw. IT.

A Gumbo recipe.

And that sounded good.

So, I searched online for vegan recipes (remember, I'm trying to be better about what I eat). Besides, I didn't want to buy shrimp, or chicken. And I found a few. I pieced together my own recipe. The only thing lamentable is that I didn't have any okra in the house. Oh well. So here's my recipe for Gumbo!

~Gumbo~
Prep Time: 1 hour (with rice)

2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp whole wheat flour
6 cups vegetable broth (or two vegetable bouillon in 6 cups of water)

3 stalks of celery, diced or chopped
1 onion, diced or chopped
1 bell pepper, diced or chopped
2 tomatoes, diced or chopped
3 cloves of garlic, diced

1 cup cooked whole grain rice

3 dashes of red pepper flakes (I think I may have put in 6....which would explain why it was so spicy)
2 dashes of black pepper
2 dashes of Oregano

*If you don't have any cooked rice on hand, go ahead and start this recipe by cooking a cup of rice. You want to undercook the rice, just a little bit, so that it won't go squishy when added to the gumbo pot.
*While your rice is cooking, go ahead and chop up your vegetables.

Heat stove top to medium heat and place large pot on top. Pour olive oil in pot and let it heat for about a minute. Add flour and stir. Heat these together for a few minutes (technically you should make a roux out of it, and it should cook for hours, but I burn mine so easily that I gave up). Add vegetable broth and all the vegetables. Let this heat up till it is steaming, then go ahead and add the spices. The more red pepper flakes you use, the spicier it will be! let boil until vegetables become softer...and add the rice. Turn down to a simmer for around 10-15 minutes. You should have a nice pot of gumbo!!!

I didn't technically time any of this....or exactly measure anything. But, I must say it's pretty close :D

ENJOY!

A Lesson Learned

2011-01-01T18:24:00.004-07:00

Today the Lord taught me an important lesson. The lesson of listening. And the lesson of loving, even when one has been injured by another. I wish I could give specifics, but that would reveal much more than I would intend.

Suffice it to say, that someone had been unkind to me. And I was angry at them for the unkindnesses. I went to talk to them about it, to confront them, to exact of them what was rightfully mine. It would feel good to show them that they were in the wrong, I thought. I had a list of all the charges against them in my head, ready to spring them out. But yet I still prayed that God would help me say and do the right thing. I'm not sure that I realized how against God I was going by being angry. But I felt justified.

I walked in, and it was almost as if....I was a little speechless.

"Hey...how are things going?" I managed to get out.

The person's usual response followed:

"Oh life is drama, and stress...you know."

I didn't know what else to say...the anger was still simmering...but not boiling over like it had before.

"Umm...someone said that you had ___ for me?" I said, trying not to..well, who knows what I was trying to do.

My purpose was to come and get what was owed. I could stick to that purpose.

"Oh. Yeah. Let me see if I have it."

As I waited I felt the anger slip away. I cared more for this person than for what she owed me. All of the sudden, it didn't seem as important as making sure that she knew how much I cared about her. And I was disappointed in myself for having lost sight of that.

"Here you go."

"Thanks" was all I managed to say.

A silence followed as she went back to her work.

"Umm...how are things really going? You're moving back to ____ right?"

"Yeah. It's so much drama right now. You would not believe how much drama."

And she sounded so disheartened. It was heartbreaking to me. Whatever resentment I had had...was gone. I had forgotten to see her as a beloved child of a Heavenly Parent, Someone who loved her more than I could. I had let that escape me as I had traveled with anger to speak to her. It doesn't matter what she had done, I was more in the wrong for neglecting one of the greatest commandments: Love thy neighbor as thyself.

"That's the toughest, isn't it? Life is okay to handle, but drama...drama you can't control. I've always been impressed with your ability to handle life. Drama is hard...but I'm sure you can make it."

"Do you need any help?" I offered, seeing her struggling with the task at hand.

"Oh, really? I'm going to load these things in about 5 minutes. That would be great."

As I helped, I repented quite profusely. A sweet spirit overcame me as I let the beautiful truths sink into my soul. She is my sister. And I am serving her because I love her.

She thanked me so sincerely, I was unsure what to say. I've never seen her be that sincere before. And she meant every thank you. I left her, knowing that she would never have a cause to say that I had been unkind to her. That means a lot to me.

And I was grateful to the Lord for helping me to curb the natural woman within me, to nip my anger in the bud, and to remember the most important truth, that He had had my mother teach me so long ago:

People are more important than things.

Gamja

2010-12-30T19:39:00.003-07:00

Korean Gamja-Tasty little potatoes that are soaked in soy sauce and drizzled in sesame oil :D

2-3 medium sized potatoes, onion, 2 cloves garlic, soy sauce, 1 tbs honey, 1 tbs sugar, half cup of water.

Peel the potatoes, wash, and cut them into 1 inch dice and make 2 cups.
Rinse the potato using colander in running water to remove starch.
Cut half onion into bite sized pieces.
Heat the pan and add 1-2 tbs olive oil and pour the potato into the pan.
Add 2 cloves of minced garlic and sauté it until the potato look a little translucent, then add the onion and keep stirring it.
Add half cup of water into the pan, 2 tbs – 2½ tbs soy sauce (depends on your taste), 1 tbs of sugar, 1 tbs of honey and mix it and simmer it over medium heat for about 10 minutes until the liquid is evaporated.Tip: Keep checking and stirring not to burn it and to cook evenly, if it needs more water, add some.
When the potato is cooked, turn off the stove and add 1 tbs of sesame oil and sprinkle a pinch of sesame seeds.

The Great Storm

2010-12-30T11:19:00.002-07:00

Alright, so maybe the title is a bit dramatic. But, it's the first winter storm that I've actually seen this winter. So, it is Great.

I woke up to at least 6 inches of snow. I had planned to go to the Temple, but when I tried to start my car, it wouldn't start. That is always a disconcerting feeling. So I checked the oil (which has been leaking) to find that it was empty. Fabulous. So I went inside, changed into some sensible clothes and started walking to the gas station (only a block and a half away). It was fun to be on an adventure....trudging through the slushy snow. The snow was in a state of half melting half freezing, so there was slush everywhere, and where there was no slush, there was water. There was water in the gutters, water flowing over the curb and onto the side walk. It was one blissful lake of slushy water.

Crossing the street proved to be the trickiest bit of business, for one could not get close to the curb without water splashing up to the ankles, let alone jump the puddle-lake. So splash and jump I tried. I got a little wet, and I pretended I was a pioneer.

When water and slush cover everything, you can't really tell where anything is. At one point on my great adventure, I mistook a gutter for the sidewalk. You can imagine the shock I received when icy water reached my lower calves and filled my boot. I laughed though. I was surprised that I laughed! This adventure was still fun.

I bought my oil and went home to fill my car.

And it still wouldn't start.

So I called a friend and begged a ride to work.

This morning I went out and tried to start my car. I was thinking that I might have to have it towed.

I placed the key in the ignition...

and turned it.

IT STARTED!

:D

Can't sleep...

2010-12-12T18:47:00.004-07:00

I'm sick right now....so I'll try write a coherent post today, so please bear with me. I'm not sure how I even got sick. It just happened overnight. One day I'm out going to a friend's concert and eating Korean food...the next morning: Migraine. Sore throat. Coughing.

And it's gotten worse from there.

Head pounding Migraine that not even peppermint oil can help...let alone 400mg of ibuprofen. Sore throat that makes you feel like you have strep. And coughing so hard it makes you double over. And you've downed 2 quarts of Orange Juice over the past 2 days.

On the positive side, maybe this is one of those 2 day colds and tomorrow I'll be fine? Even a 3 day cold would be okay. I like to call it the fast-track cold. Hits hard and fast, but doesn't linger. Now THAT is something to hope for.

I don't understand why my body could not have waited until NEXT weekend to feel this way. It would have been so much easier to take my finals before getting sick.

And someone in the apartment above us is playing "Santa Claus is coming to town" on the Saxophone. Unbelievable. If my head wasn't pounding I would applaud them. I'm torn between being upset and laughing.

Sorry. Trying not to be negative. What if I did laugh at it? I think the Sax is a horrible instrument, but, hearing that song on it makes it seem better.

I know there's a girl that plays guitar upstairs too. You can hear her playing at 1 in the morning. What a musical apartment!

_____________________________________________________

Well that post was entirely nonsense.

I wish my hometeachers would check their messages and come over and give me a priesthood blessing....

That will make a world of difference.

Notwithstanding My Weakness

2010-12-05T10:45:00.004-07:00

Today I read a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I feel I should post on this blog. If you read the post before this, you will notice a similar theme. There are a few people I know (including myself) that struggle with the feelings of inadequacies and weakness. It is true that many of us could do better in our personal lives, we could "Stand a little taller" as President Hinckley would say. We cold spend more time in the scriptures, more time serving, more...more...more... And yet, these same people are the most generous, the most gracious, the most Christlike people I know. They live the gospel and love the Lord with all their might, mind, heart and soul. How could they feel inadequate? I hope that by posting this talk some of those people realize that the Lord is "more concerned with growth than with geography", as Elder Maxwell so lovingly puts it. My prayer is exactly that.

I've also highlighted some of my favorite quotes for you...

Neal A. Maxwell, "Notwithstanding my weakness", Ensign, Nov. 1976, 12

First, my brothers and sisters, my gratitude to the prophet and his counselors for this call. To them, to Elder Richards and the members of the First Quorum of the Seventy I pledge that my little footnote on the page of the quorum’s history will read clearly that I wore out my life in helping to spread Jesus’ gospel and helping to regulate his church. To worthy predecessor presidents, my admiration. Thirty years ago President Dilworth Young ordained me a seventy, but only after extracting a promise that I would preach the gospel the rest of my life. His stern demeanor was such that I felt I’d been asked to jump off a tall building. I went over the side saluting. Now I salute that same selfless, sweet seventy, President Young, once again.

Now may I speak, not to the slackers in the Kingdom, but to those who carry their own load and more; not to those lulled into false security, but to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short.

Earlier disciples who heard Jesus preach some exacting doctrines were also anxious and said, “Who then can be saved?” (Mark 10:26.)

The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door—or even across town.

In a Kingdom where perfection is an eventual expectation, each other’s needs for improvement have a way of being noticed. Perceptive Jethro had plenty of data to back up the crisp counsel he gave his son-in-law Moses. (See Ex. 18.) Even prophets notice their weaknesses. Nephi persisted in a major task “notwithstanding my weakness.” (2 Ne. 33:11.) Another Nephite prophet, Jacob, wrote candidly of his “over anxiety” for those with whom he was not certain he could communicate adequately. (Jacob 4:18.) Our present prophet has met those telling moments when he has felt as if he could not meet a challenge. Yet he did.

Thus the feelings of inadequacy are common. So are the feelings of fatigue; hence, the needed warning about our becoming weary of well-doing. (See D&C 64:33.)

The scriptural advice, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength” (D&C 10:4) suggests paced progress, much as God used seven creative periods in preparing man and this earth. There is a difference, therefore, between being “anxiously engaged” and being over-anxious and thus underengaged.

Some of us who would not chastise a neighbor for his frailties have a field day with our own. Some of us stand before no more harsh a judge than ourselves, a judge who stubbornly refuses to admit much happy evidence and who cares nothing for due process. Fortunately, the Lord loves us more than we love ourselves. A constructive critic truly cares for that which he criticizes, including himself, whereas self-pity is the most condescending form of pity; it soon cannibalizes all other concerns.

Brothers and sisters, the scriptures are like a developmental display window through which we can see gradual growth—along with this vital lesson: it is direction first, then velocity! Enoch’s unique people were improved “in process of time.” (Moses 7:21.) Jesus “received not of the fulness at first, but received grace for grace” (D&C 93:12) and even He grew and “increased in wisdom and stature” (Luke 2:52).

In the scriptural display window we see Lehi struggling as an anxious and “trembling parent.” (2 Ne. 1:14.) We see sibling rivalries but also deep friendships like that of David and Jonathan. We see that all conflict is not catastrophe. We view misunderstandings even in rich relationships like that of Paul and Barnabas. We see a prophet candidly reminding King Saul that there was a time when “thou wast little in thine own sight.” (1 Sam. 15:17.)

We see our near-perfect parents, Adam and Eve, coping with challenges in the first family, for their children, too, came trailing traits from their formative first estate.

We see a legalistic Paul, but later read his matchless sermon on charity. (See 1 Cor. 13.) We see a jailed John the Baptist—and there had been “no greater prophet” (Matt. 11:11)—needing reassurance (see Matt. 11:2–4). We see Peter walking briefly on water but requiring rescue from Jesus’ outstretched hand (see Matt. 14:25–31); later we see Peter stretching his strong hand to Tabitha after helping to restore her to life (see Acts 9:36–46).

Moroni was not the first underinformed leader to conclude that another leader was not doing enough. (See Alma 60.) Nor was Pahoran’s sweet, generous response to his “beloved brother” Moroni the last such that will be needed. (Alma 61.)

What can we do to manage these vexing feelings of inadequacy? Here are but a few suggestions:

1.
We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon.
2.
We can contemplate how far we have already come in the climb along the pathway to perfection; it is usually much farther than we acknowledge. True, we are “unprofitable servants,” but partly because when “we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10), with every ounce of such obedience comes a bushel of blessings.
3.
We can accept help as well as gladly give it. Happily, General Naaman received honest but helpful feedback, not from fellow generals, but from his orderlies. (See 2 Kgs. 5:1–14.) In the economy of heaven, God does not send thunder if a still, small voice is enough, or a prophet if a priest can do the job.
4.
We can allow for the agency of others (including our children) beforewe assess our adequacy. Often our deliberate best is less effectual because of someone else’s worst.
5.
We can write down, and act upon, more of those accumulating resolutions for self-improvement that we so often leave, unrecovered, at the edge of sleep.
6.
We can admit that if we were to die today, we would be genuinely and deeply missed. Perhaps parliaments would not praise us, but no human circle is so small that it does not touch another, and another.
7.
We can put our hand to the plow, looking neither back nor around, comparatively. Our gifts and opportunities differ; some are more visible and impactful. The historian Moroni felt inadequate as a writer beside the mighty Mahonri Moriancumer, who wrote overpoweringly. We all have at least one gift and an open invitation to seek “earnestly the best gifts.” (D&C 46:8.)
8.
We can make quiet but more honest inventories of our strengths, since, in this connection, most of us are dishonest bookkeepers and need confirming “outside auditors.” He who was thrust down in the first estate delights to have us put ourselves down. Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven. We should, of course, learn from our mistakes, but without forever studying the instant replays as if these were the game of life itself.
9.
We can add to each other’s storehouse of self-esteem by giving deserved, specific commendation more often, remembering, too, that those who are breathless from going the second mile need deserved praise just as the fallen need to be lifted up.
10.
We can also keep moving. Only the Lord can compare crosses, but all crosses are easier to carry when we keep moving. Men finally climbed Mount Everest, not by standing at its base in consuming awe, but by shouldering their packs and by placing one foot in front of another. Feet are made to move forward—not backward!
11.
We can know that when we have truly given what we have, it is like paying a full tithe; it is, in that respect, all that was asked. The widow who cast in her two mites was neither self-conscious nor searching for mortal approval.
12.
We can allow for the reality that God is more concerned with growth than with geography. Thus, those who marched in Zion’s Camp were not exploring the Missouri countryside but their own possibilities.
13.
We can learn that at the center of our agency is our freedom to form a healthy attitude toward whatever circumstances we are placed in! Those, for instance, who stretch themselves in service—though laced with limiting diseases—are often the healthiest among us! The Spirit can drive the flesh beyond where the body first agrees to go!
14.
Finally, we can accept this stunning, irrevocable truth: Our Lord can lift us from deep despair and cradle us midst any care. We cannot tell Him anything about aloneness or nearness!

Yes, brothers and sisters, this is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage, and our personal progress should be yet another way we witness to the wonder of it all!

True, there are no instant Christians, but there are constant Christians!

If we so live, we too can say in personal prospectus, “And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for … then shall I see his face with pleasure” (Enos 1:27; italics added) for then will our confidence“wax strong in the presence of God,” (D&C 121:45; italics added), and He who cannot lie will attest to our adequacy with the warm words “Well done.” I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

On the Path

2010-11-30T13:02:00.002-07:00

Today I was thinking about a few things...

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you are doing enough? Are you serving enough people? Are you reading your scriptures enough every day? Are you...Are you..Are you???

Bruce C. Hafen, who later became a member of the Seventy, wrote:

“Some Church members feel weighed down with discouragement about the circumstances of their personal lives, even when they are making sustained and admirable efforts. Frequently, these feelings of self-disappointment come not from wrongdoing, but from stresses and troubles for which we may not be fully to blame. The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to these experiences because it applies to all of life. The Savior can wipe away all of our tears, after all we can do....

“The Savior’s atonement is ... the healing power not only for sin, but also for carelessness, inadequacy, and all mortal bitterness. The Atonement is not just for sinners” ( “Beauty for Ashes: The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign, Apr. 1990, 7 ).

And then here is a quote from Bruce R. McConkie...

"As members of the Church, if we chart a course leading to eternal life … and are going in the right direction … and, step by step and phase by phase, are perfecting our souls by overcoming the world, then it is absolutely guaranteed—there is no question whatever about it—we shall gain eternal life. …If we chart a course and follow it to the best of our ability in this life, then when we go out of this life we'll continue in exactly that same course" (Bruce R. McConkie, "Jesus Christ and Him Crucified," in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 400–401).

Le'ts keep things in perspective!

Opening my heart

2010-11-26T13:51:00.005-07:00

This week...this month...perhaps even this whole semester...I've been afraid.

Afraid....

of what?

What do I have to fear? A lot of things actually. Being alone, spiders, bugs, the dark, being alone, scary people with weapons...or not so scary people that still have weapons...getting mugged, being alone (did I say that I'm afraid of being alone?). I hate being alone.

But I think that there is something even worse than being afraid of being alone, or spiders..

And that is being afraid to trust.

I never thought that I was afraid to trust till just recently. Let's just say I've been doing some reflecting. And it isn't that I'm afraid to trust people-I trust people completely until they prove that they aren't trustworthy. But there is one thing that I am afraid to trust people with:

My heart.

I suppose it is my greatest treasure, my favorite color of crayon...

My inmost self.

It is the thing that is the easiest and the hardest thing to give people. What if they take it and trample it (or, taking the crayon analogy, melt it??)? Or what if it was handled gently and kindly? Would it be worth the risk of giving it, not knowing what would happen?

Trampled hearts hurt. A lot. I know because I've had that happen to me a few times(who hasn't?). And the next time someone comes along, and you think about opening up and giving your heart, you are just a little reluctant to give it.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. And then I read a blog post today that made me think:

"Love. Let yourself love. You will never regret opening your heart when you realize it opens your life to the best this world has to give."-M'kynzi

I so needed to hear that today.

And here's a quote from Mark Twain:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Or in the words of Natasha Bedingfield:

Release your inhibition
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let in
Drench your life with words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I suppose it's time to remember that....living life with arms wide open, throwing off the bowlines and opening my heart.

At least I won't regret holding back.

Today

2010-11-22T17:37:00.003-07:00

Today I woke up at 6am.

Today I packed my bags.

Today I went to class.

Today I went to work.

Today I drove 40 miles to the airport.

Today I made it through security at the airport without having to have any "thorough" searches made.

Today I met a girl names Karlie who want to become an English Teacher and goes to the university in the Valley. It's her first year away from home.

Today we are flying to Long Beach California.

So that Today I can go to DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is a GREAT day.

Trusting in Him

2010-11-17T22:51:00.002-07:00

Tonight I had a revelation...I wrote in my last post that I would share something spiritual that I learned about my rotten tuesday. So, here it is...

I learned that I just need to keep trusting the Lord. He has promised me blessings, and promised that if I keep His commandments, I will be fine.

So why do I worry?

Because my natural woman can't stand not knowing what is going on...

Yet, I do know. I know that whatever happens, as long as I am doing everything that I can to deserve the blessings, He will keep His promises.

He always does.

So no more stressing :D

Worse than a month of Mondays...

2010-11-16T22:20:00.002-07:00

Today was hard.

Worse than a month of Mondays. And Monday hates me. Every week, at the same time, it's always the same. It's insane.

And today was my mid-term break down. Complete with bawling my eyes out to an Institute teacher, crying in the math lab and then taking my math test. I feel a little better now though. But my thoughts are incoherent. Completely. If you hadn't noticed. I think this post is a vent to get this incoherence out of me so I can function.

So I'm sitting on my couch wearing a new pair of boots listening to my roommate's rebellious rock music...and enjoying myself. When I don't want to think about things I listen to heavier music. Which is a little odd. But when I want to think I listen to classical. I usually do math homework to heavier music (before you think me a sinner, I consider Jonas Brothers as "heavy")..

Enough......rambling.....

Good night.

Tomorrow I will post a spiritual lesson that I learned from this frightful day.

I just have to read my scriptures to figure it out first.

Night.

Abide With Me, 'tis Eventide

2010-11-09T22:43:00.003-07:00

Today has been one of those days. Well, Monday and Tuesday this week could be classified as "one of those days".

The long days.

The tiring days.

The days where no matter what you do, or no matter how many people you help, you still feel as if you have accomplished absolutely NOTHING. And it isn't that you feel like you have been idle, it's that empty feeling...the feeling that makes you cry yourself to sleep. I guess it is a lonely emptiness.

These are the days that "try men's souls" as Thomas Paine would have put it.

And I definitely feel that my soul is being tried.

So I climbed into bed tonight and returned to doing the basic things that President Uchtdorf asked us to do in General Conference....prayers, reading my scriptures and writing in my journal.

As I started to write I turned my iTunes on...and listened to my Sunday playlist of hymns. And the first one to come on describes exactly how I am feeling tonight.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee,
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

How can I ever live without Him walking by my side? Why have I ever tried? I have refused to take the burdens from my shoulders and place them on His. And I'm not entirely sure why. I suppose my independent nature has escaped my control-to the point where I am unable to see how important it is for me to release these burdens!

I cannot carry them alone.

The night is too dark to refuse any longer.

Only He....only He can carry them for me.

Loaves and Fishes

2010-11-08T14:17:00.004-07:00

My Institute class this semester is the first half of the New Testament, the Gospels. It's wonderful to be able to dive into the Savior's words and parables, and take from them application for our lives.

Today we read about the feeding of the 5000 in Matthew 14:14-21:

15 ¶ And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals.

16 But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.

17 And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes.

18 He said, Bring them hither to me.

19 And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.

20 And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full.

21 And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.

It is a miracle that a child could retell to you without any hesitation. Yet it's meaning is so personal, so individual, even 2000 years later.

When I read this today I had a thought come to my mind. We are like the young boy who brought his 5 loaves and 2 fishes to the Savior. "Here are my loaves and fishes!" we say. "Here are my talents, my attributes, here are the things that I am working so hard on!". Perhaps it is trying to become a better missionary, a better friend, a more Christ-like individual or perhaps it is to serve in your calling as a Primary, Sunday School, or Relief Society teacher. We bring our loaves and fishes before him.

And what does he do?

He feeds 5000 with our meager supply.

He magnifies every effort that we make, every step in the right direction is a leap. With His aid, we are able to be better teachers, stronger friends, and more faithful disciples.

He takes our 5 loaves and 2 fishes and not only feeds the 5000, but fills 12 baskets with them afterwards.

If you bring all that you have, He will make it work. You may only be able to feed 1 person with your small loaves and fishes, but the Lord is able to take care of the rest-the 4,999.

I have been talking with someone lately about how hard it is sometimes to follow the Lord's plan when we don't know where that will take us. Sometimes He takes the wheel and guides us. Other times He gives us the directions and we drive, not knowing where we are, or where we are going till we get there.

The Lord could have told His disciples EXACTLY what He was going to do. Instead, He let them find the solution. He let them drive.

This is proof that He truly is the Master Teacher. For example, let me ask you a question. What would happen to our development if He always told us exactly what to do? Would we ever be able to grow?

I think about my life and how I have looked at not knowing what lies before me on the path. I regret that sometimes I have been upset, but I learned a long time ago that He is so much better at this than I am. I am grateful that He is leading me. I am grateful that He magnifies my little loaves and fishes. And I am just fine with following the path that He lays before me.

Am I afraid of the uncertainty?

No.

He has led me thus far! My life is wonderful. I have so many blessings. How would I ever be able to be afraid when He is the one leading and directing me?

Because I know in Whom I have put my trust.

Oat Pan Cakes

2010-10-31T12:02:00.004-06:00

In preface to this recipe, I must admit that I have undergone a huge change in eating habits this semester. This is partly due to having a gluten intolerant roommate, and having a friend that is vegan. It has made me think a lot about what I am putting into my body. The beginning of the semester saw me taking high fructose syrup products and high saturated fats out of my diet. I've slowly progressed to the point I am at now, which is increasing fresh produce and grains, as well as trying to cut back on animal products. I'm feeling a lot better-I feel like I have more energy and my headaches are starting to go away. I think the only problem I have is that when I go to parties and to other people's houses I don't have very many choices to be healthy....And I'm tempted to eat the cookies and cakes that I used to eat....

Let's just say it is now a battle of willpower. And I'm enjoying the struggle.

Anywho! On to the Oat Pan Cake.

Oat Pan Cakes

1 1/2 cups Oat flour (I put quick oats in a blender until it looked like flour)
1/3 tsp Baking powder
1/3 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Cinnamon
1 1/4-1/2 cup Apple Juice
1 egg (I use egg powder from my food storage)

1 frying pan
Oil/butter/vegetable shortening to coat frying pan.

Turn on stovetop burner on medium and place pan on burner to preheat. Oil pan.

Mix dry ingredients well. Add Apple Juice and egg to mix and blend well. The batter should be thicker than normal pancakes because it is made from oat flour, but it should not be thick like oatmeal. Pour on to pan and spread out. These take a little longer to cook than normal pancakes, so just keep an eye on them. When the bottom is a golden brown go ahead and flip it over. When both sides are golden, pull off the pan and Enjoy!

Some great toppings:
Agave Maple Syrup
Fresh fruit
Honey
Jam

What Would Jesus Do?

2010-10-18T21:20:00.005-06:00

Today I left work a little bit early. I was frustrated with this week's Monday. Mondays are usually bad anyways, but this Monday has been especially bad. I found out I got a D- on my latest exam (after walking out of the testing center thinking I had probably gotten an A) and I was the only one on phones at work for a while, talking to angry and irritated people about their financial aid. At one point I felt like walking out and letting the phone ring off the hook. But I didn't.

I was driving home with the window down. The wind was playing with my hair as I listened to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. I was thinking about a dance I went to a few weeks ago where I danced to that song...

Then I had the thought to turn right and take a short cut home. As I did I saw ahead of me on the left and older woman in a wheelchair. I kept driving and as I passed her I felt so sad that this older woman would be pushing herself in her wheelchair around town. I rounded a corner and her image kept coming back to me. I wanted to help, but what could I do? I am not strong, I am not smart or brave. I thought: What would Jesus do? Jesus would go back. He would help her. He would push her so her arms could rest. I could do that!

I made a quick left into a parking lot and turned around searching for the woman in the wheelchair. She was halfway across a parking lot at this point. I parked my car and literally jumped out to catch up with her.

"Ma'am? Can I help you out?" I heard my voice say.

"No, oh no I'm fine" her clear voice rang out.

As I came closer I saw that she was missing one leg. There were trash bags that were tied to the sides of her wheelchair, full of who knows what-food, clothes, and other things. She was wearing a jacket and had a beautiful scarf tied around her head. But these things paled in comparison to her face.

There were beautiful wrinkles across her forehead as she talked and around her eyes when the corners of her mouth turned up into an almost smile. She had age freckles and her hair was thinning. But her most amazing feature were her clear blue eyes-like a crystal blue tropical ocean.

I walked next to her as she wheeled to the bookstore. We talked. She was so open and so intelligent that I was surprised. I suppose I had expected someone without their memory and experiences intact. We talked about Thoreau, Emerson, Hawthorne and Louisa May Alcott. Some of my favorite people! I wondered how long it had been since she had been able to talk about these authors with someone...let alone how long it had been since she had talked to someone who cared to listen. It kind of hurt me a little to think of that.

I told her that I am writing a paper about Emerson and the address that he gave at the Harvard Divinity School..and how important religion is to me. She spoke about how she believes in a Diety, and how long it took her to get there. I could tell that this shared faith in God helped to brighten her day.

I told her how important the prophet Joseph Smith is. I shared the miraculous story of the First Vision and how Joseph saw God and Jesus Christ, and how They really did speak to him.

She was quiet for a little while, but the conversation resumed. After some time, she told me that she really needed to go catch her bus home. I asked her if she would like a Book of Mormon, because I would like to give her one. So I ran (literally! my knees are killing right now) to get one and brought it back in the store. She seemed excited to get to read it. I don't think that anyone has ever given her a Book of Mormon before. I was so pleased to do so. I wrote a short note in the front about how the book has changed my life and then handed it to her. She put it in one of her grocery bags and we said our goodbyes. She took my phone number. I really hope that she calls.

How grateful I am for the lessons I learned today from this kind woman. I hope that I will never ignore an opportunity to do exactly what the Savior would do were He here on the earth.

Gratitiude

2010-10-05T10:02:00.003-06:00

This past weekend I watched and listened to the LDS General Conference . I love Conference because I am able to listen to men who have been called by God, living Apostles and Prophets, to speak in His name. They speak by the "power of the Holy Ghost....therefore, they speak the words of Christ" (2 Nephi 32:3).

President Monson, our Prophet, gave a wonderful talk at the end of conference. He talked about how we need to be more grateful. Something that really touched me was that he said we should never pass up an opportunity to be grateful. I've taken that to heart and am going to never pass up an opportunity!!

This blog post begins a new category on my blog, that of Gratitude. Everyday I will post something I am grateful for (in addition to my regular posts). I thought about starting a new blog, but it seems fitting to include it here.

______________________________________

I am grateful....

That my knees hurt and ache. It means I can walk. It means that I can feel pain. I can feel. I can walk. What an incredible blessing that is!!

No Room for Discouragement

2010-09-30T21:18:00.005-06:00

Tonight I went with my friend Michelle to listen to this wonderful woman speak.

Her name is Stephanie Nielsen...and she is incredible. She, like all of the other woman in the world, has had trials that have been hard to bear. Yet she continues to turn to God and thank Him for her blessings. She is a loving mother and wife, despite the times when she was not able to be even that.

You see, Stephanie and her husband were in a plane crash. He broke his back and she received burns over 80% of her body. They spent months in the hospital, and had so many surgeries. Stephanie knows that she has been given a gift: The gift of life. But it has not come without a struggle. One of the difficulties she has had is accepting who she has become because of the accident, especially how she looks. She has skin grafts all over her face and looks so different from before the accident. Yet she has been able to see past the outside beauty to her divine worth, and her beauty inside. I think that she is one of the most beautiful women I know. It is because her heart is good.

I listened again to her incredible story and marveled at her positive attitude, her faith and love for God, whom she completely trusts.

Here are a few things that she said tonight that touched me:

Be women of Christ!
There must be a base[of beauty] on the inside to steady the outside.
Our beauty is a gift given us of God..and it is our spirit that makes us beautiful.
I have no more room in my life for discouragement.

I love that last part. I have no room in my life for discouragement. At that moment I realized the same thing is true for my life. I have so much on my plate, so much to deal with that I must push discouragement out, because I have no time for it! I only have time to do my best, to work hard and keep progressing. I'm grateful that God sent me NieNie tonight to help me understand this.

The Flow'r of Scotland

2010-09-28T21:42:00.003-06:00

Missing beloved Scotland again this week. Someday I want to go back there. Maybe even stay there for a time. What an incredible place!

This is an unofficial anthem of Soctland:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ5fLBEpKo8

O Flow'r of Scotland,
When will we see
Yer like again,
That fought and died for,
Yer wee bit Hill and Glen,
And stood against him,
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.

The Hills are bare now,
And Autumn leaves
lie thick and still,
O'er land that is lost now,
Which those so dearly held,
That stood against him,
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.

Those days are past now,
And in the past
they must remain,
But we can still rise now,
And be the nation again,
That stood against him,
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.

O Flow'r of Scotland,
When will we see
yer like again,
That fought and died for,
Yer wee bit Hill and Glen,
And stood against him,
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.

Clay in His Hands

2010-09-26T18:30:00.002-06:00

A couple of weekends ago I went to a community "Heritage Days" here in the Valley. One of my friends was with me and we wandered around the different tents, admiring the jewelry, homemade soap, the musicians and the beautiful fall air.

We stopped by one booth, a soapmaker's, and two little girls greeted us. They made us smell each bar of homemade soap that their mother had made. There were lavender bars, coconut, pineapple...as well as one that smelled like apple pie!

We wandered down a few booths and found ourselves watching a potter as he shaped a piece of clay into a bowl. I felt rooted to the spot. I watched his gentle, yet firm, hands as that little lump of clay turned into something amazing.

As I watched him, a scripture came to my mind:

O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as the potter?
saith the Lord. Behold as the clay is in the potter's hand,
so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.
Jeremiah 18:6

Clay in the potter's hand. I have thought of this before, but never had it entered my soul with so much force! We are clay in his hands. He is the Potter! He will mold and shape us to fit His idea of what we need to be. Sometimes the Potter needs a bowl, sometimes a vase. Sometimes He needs a pitcher and others he needs plates. Each have their separate uses, yet each is useful.

My friend and I continued to watch the potter while we wandered through his tent of pottery. There were vases, pitchers, plates, bowls, cake platters and jewelry. Every piece was completely different from the others No two plates were alike. Yet each had it's own unique beauty that set it apart from all of the rest. We returned to watch the potter.

"You see," he said, "this piece here will be a base for this bowl, and together they will make a candy dish."

Two beautiful unfinished pieces. Combine them to make something even more beautiful.

"But this base has been drying in the sun too long. It has gotten a little hard. But that's okay, I can still work with it."

He dipped his fingers into a bucket of water and proceeded to wet down the edges in preparation for his fingers to shape the edges. He started his wheel and began to push his fingers into the hardened clay.

"I have to dig down into it to get it to move." He said. I saw that his hands were dirty and covered in clay as he shaped the piece.

How like my heart this is! When I have been out in the sun too long drying, or in the world too long, or I have turned from the straight and narrow path just enough...I have become hardened. I have become dry. Do I want to be able to change? Do I want to become the beautiful piece that the Master Potter has intended? Or do I want to remain as I am? His hands are gentle...why can't I trust them?

I felt like I needed to share this. And so I am writing about it now. I can still remember how powerful a testimony it was to me:

The Lord cares about each of us. He wants us to succeed! He wants us to become everything we have imagined, and that He has imagined! Can you imagine becoming what God wants you to become? Incredible!

He is in our lives. His hands are molding our experiences, tailoring them so that we can grow, learn and become everything He has in store for us. His hands are so far in our lives that, just like the potter, they are covered in clay. He loves us so much!

Before I left the potter's tent, I bought a memento to remember the important lesson that the Lord had taught me that day. It is a small thing, but enough for me to remember His love and care for me:

May we be mold-able clay every time He has a new design for us.

Change in the air

2010-09-22T10:41:00.003-06:00

Summer is starting to come to a close. There are leaves crunching under my feet and I can feel the change in the air. The rain is lightly tapping on the roof of my classroom. I love the change. I embrace the change! It is so easy to love the cool of fall after the heat of summer.

I used to be afraid of change.

I used to be afraid TO change.

I used to think that it wasn't possible to continually change, that I never had enough time, or that I wasn't smart enough to continue the changes I wanted.

Now, I want to change.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm excited to embrace the change. It will still be hard...there is no doubt about that. But I've recently(thanks to several experiences over the past two weeks) realized:

That change is worth the fight.

So, it's time to change. I will embrace it like the desert ground embraces the long awaited rain, the way a bird embraces the wind of the storm. Fly with, not against, the change.

Another Summer Day...Has Come and Gone Away

2010-08-19T23:46:00.004-06:00

School starts on Wednesday.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

On one hand, I can't wait to get back into a routine, and start diving back into textbooks and writing papers, doing math homework, anything to keep myself busy. But I will miss the summer.

This summer has been...unique. I have had some of the most wonderful moments of my life this summer, along with some of the most heartbreaking. I'm not sure why those two always have to go together, but there you have it.

I think that I have started to learn what it's like to be a free spirit. Setting up for school has made me realized I'll be tied down again...to desks and deadlines. I didn't have a problem with any of those before, but now, it doesn't seem as glamorous as it once did. Perhaps because I had imagined that I would have..well, let's just say that I imagined this semester would be much different than it is turning out to be. Such is life! I guess I have a choice to fly away and be free. And I'll admit it's pretty tempting right now. But I've also discovered that I'm stronger than I think I am, and right now I need to be finishing school and preparing for the rest of my life.

So that leaves me where I am I guess.

A free spirit with deadlines and a desk...on which I will be planning all of my free spirit trips.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Life....

*SIGH*

Hope

2010-08-15T21:53:00.002-06:00

Never Lose Hope

“My message to you today, my brothers and sisters, is simply this: the Lord is in control. He knows the end from the beginning. He has given us adequate instruction that, if followed, will see us safely through any crisis. His purposes will be fulfilled, and someday we will understand the eternal reasons for all of these events. Therefore, today we must be careful to not overreact, nor should we be caught up in extreme preparations; but what we must do is keep the commandments of God and never lose hope!”

M. Russell Ballard, “The Joy of Hope Fulfilled,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, 31

Just tonight.

2010-08-10T22:20:00.004-06:00

I'm sitting by the window.
The breeze is slowly cooling off the hot room.
Buble is singing his jazzy "Tenderness" and
The stars are glittering in the dark night sky

and I am extremely happy right now.

I love when I can feel the world spinning around the sun. There are days when everything seems chaotic, like this rock we're on has been thrown out of orbit. In reality, it's me that is in orbit. Finally in orbit again. Everything begins to come together, when you least expect it, when you have been working on it so hard it hurts, and when you need it the most.

It's a beautiful feeling.

I was sitting at the table watching a movie after helping my roomie, Madison, make zucchini bread. And I realized something.

I am so happy here.

I wish it could last forever...

But I only have 11 days of this. I will make it the best 11 days EVER. It has already become a home away from home. I hope that the next place I am in will be the same.

PS! I found an place to live for fall! It's been a struggle to find something just for fall...but I did it. I'm the only one who has signed up for it yet, so I am praying very very very hard that some very very very good girls will sign up to live there. But it's only for the semester, and I won't be there most of the time. Between dating, school, work (provided I find a job soon!), and homework I shouldn't notice if they aren't nice. At least....I hope so!

But, for tonight, it's enough not to worry about all of that and just type my story right here as it unfolds.

The clicking of the keys and the sound of Enya are soothing.

Life is so good!

New Mormon.org

2010-08-01T18:43:00.003-06:00

For those of you that don't know, the LDS church has revamped their website (mormon.org) to allow for members of the church to have profiles there. I created my profile a while back and would like to encourage everyone I know to do so as well! There are many questions that you can answer on the site, from "Are Mormons Christian?" to "What are some things that tell to you there is a God?". It is a great way to share your faith and beliefs with the world. Also, when you sign up you can get a "I'm Mormon" button to put on your blog :D See mine ---------->

Today I came across a great question and wanted to post it here, along with my answer:

What are some things that tell to you there is a God?

Perfectly symmetrical flowers. Sunsets. Breathtaking views off the side of a cliff. Faces of people I have never met or seen before. Breathing. Laying on my back porch and staring at the stars at night. Seeing the sunlight sift through the leaves in a forest. Miracles. A heartbeat. Children. Family. Friends. Love. The feelings I have when I pray to Him. I feel at home when I pray. I feel that someone really is listening, and that someone really does care about me and my life. I can never deny that I know God is there and that He never leaves us alone.

" Yea, and all things denote there is a God yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." -Alma 30:44

Patience.

2010-08-01T11:42:00.004-06:00

Today, this week, this month, and probably this year, I have been thinking A LOT about patience.

I really wish I could say that I am a patient person.

I wish I could say that waiting for something is easy.

I wish that it was easy to be patient.

But it isn't.

I've had a lot of wonderful things happen to me in the past year. But all of these wonderful things are requiring patience. I was able to serve a mission. I had my knees break. I came home and have been trying to learn patience from recovery. But I guess that I haven't learned to be patient enough just yet.

So Close

2010-07-13T12:58:00.001-06:00

JOHN MCLAUGHLIN - SO CLOSE LYRICS

Best. Song. Ever.

So Close. by Jon McLaughlin

You're in my arms and all the world is calm.
The music playing on, for only two.
So close together, and when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive.

A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
and now forever I know, all that I wanted to hold you so close.

So close to reaching that famous happy ending
Almost believing this was not pretend
Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come!
So far, we are, so close.

Oh how should I face the faceless day,
If I should lose you now?

We're so close to reaching that famous happy ending
And almost believing, this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming, for we know we are

So close, So close, and still so far.

Days like this

2010-07-03T20:31:00.002-06:00

It's hard to do the right thing.

And sometimes it hurts.

A lot.

Yesterday I did the right thing.

And it really hurt.

A lot.

I stood my ground and told someone how I felt about a certain situation.

I care about that person. A lot. And perhaps that's why it hurts so much. But I can't go around pretending, and that's all I have to say about it. I can't pretend that I don't care. I can't pretend. I can't pretend that things haven't lead me to where I am, to what I think and how I act. I had to know how things stood between us.

I want only to do the right thing and be a good friend. But if there is any way that I went wrong in this, then I am truly sorry. If that friend reads this than please know:

I am sorry. But I just can't keep pretending.

White Cake

2010-06-23T15:38:00.006-06:00

Today I made a white cake.

From Scratch.

And it's in the oven.

So cross your fingers!

I can't remember the last time I made a cake from scratch. But I remember being very proud of myself. As I am now. I love making things from scratch. I feel very accomplished and old-fashioned when I do.

The non-old-fashioned side of me found this recipe online at TLC Cooking:

INGREDIENTS:
2-1/4cups cake flour
1tablespoon baking powder
1/2teaspoon salt
1/2cup butter, softened
1-1/2cups sugar
4egg whites
2teaspoons vanilla
1cup milk

PREPARATION:

1.Preheat oven to 350°F. Line bottoms of two 9-inch round cake pans with waxed paper; lightly grease paper. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in medium bowl; set aside.

2. Beat butter and sugar in large bowl with electric mixer (NOTE: Definitely use this non-old-fashioned tool!!) at medium speed until light and fluffy. Add egg whites, two at a time, beating well after each addition. Add vanilla; beat until blended. With electric mixer at low speed, add flour mixture alternately with milk, beating well after each addition. Pour batter evenly into prepared pans.

3. Bake 25 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean. Cool layers in pans on wire rack 10 minutes. Loosen edges and invert layers onto rack to cool completely.

Good Luck!

*EDIT*
It's finished! And, it didn't implode :D

Women in the LDS Church

2010-06-13T16:55:00.003-06:00

So today I was going through the forums at lds.net and just reading a few things. I came across a post by a young women who was asking if anyone else thought the church was sexist. She indicated that there were many times when she didn't feel that it was fair for her YW leaders to teach that women should marry and stay at home with their children, to teach and to raise them..and that many of the other young women were "shooting" her dreams down. I wanted to just post my response here on my blog. Before I get into what I said, I have an addition to make. I understand that there are many single women out there (myself included) that are not married yet, or who may never have the opportunity to marry a worthy priesthood holder. To them I say...just keep following the Lord. Trust him! And keep living your life in a way that it will be a benefit to your family (whether that is future family, or present family). And read Sister Dew's talk...and Sister Thompson's talk. In case you don't know, both of these wonderful sisters have served in leadership positions in the church and are not married.

Onward....

"The Family:A Proclamation to the World" was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley in the General Relief Society Meeting in September of 1995. This proclamation upholds and defines the family. Here's a quote about the roles of men and women:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation."

Men and women are equal in the sight of God-we are His children. But our roles are different!

Here's my reply to the forum:

There are a lot of great comments on here..but I haven't seen one (unless I've overlooked it) that talks about what the prophets have said about this! In the end, each of our individual choices are between us and the Lord, but you will never get a prompting that goes against what the Prophet says to do (unless you're Nephi and an Angel comes to you...then God will make sure that you know it's HIM speaking, not just your head).

First of all, I came across this great quote from President Faust's talk in the April 1998 Conference. He quoted President Kimball (indicating that the church still upholds what previous prophets have said):

“Remember, in the world before we came here, faithful women were given certain assignments while faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood tasks. While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to. You are accountable for those things which long ago were expected of you just as are those we sustain as prophets and apostles. … This leaves much to be done by way of parallel personal development—for both men and women.”

But the eternal, and incredible role of women has been defined for us.

Here's a quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

"Since the beginning, a woman’s first and most important role has been ushering into mortality spirit sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven.

Since the beginning, her role has been to teach her children eternal gospel principles. She is to provide for her children a haven of security and love—regardless of how modest her circumstances might be.

In the beginning, Adam was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow—not Eve. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s place is in the home!

I recognize there are voices in our midst which would attempt to convince you that these truths are not applicable to our present-day conditions. If you listen and heed, you will be lured away from your principal obligations.

Beguiling voices in the world cry out for “alternative life-styles” for women. They maintain that some women are better suited for careers than for marriage and motherhood.

These individuals spread their discontent by the propaganda that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than homemaking. Some even have been bold to suggest that the Church move away from the “Mormon woman stereotype” of homemaking and rearing children. They also say it is wise to limit your family so you can have more time for personal goals and self-fulfillment.

I am aware that many of you often find yourselves in circumstances that are not always ideal. I know this because I have talked with many of you who, because of necessity, must work and leave your children with others—even though your heart is in your home. To you go my love and sympathy for your present, and I hope temporary, situation and my prayers that you will be blessed by our Heavenly Father to compensate for a situation that is less than you may desire.

I recognize that some sisters are widowed or divorced. My heart is drawn to you who are in these circumstances. The Brethren pray for you, and we feel a great obligation to see that your needs are met. Trust in the Lord. Be assured He loves you and we love you. Resist bitterness and cynicism.

I also recognize that not all women in the Church will have an opportunity for marriage and motherhood in mortality. But if you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father—and I emphasize all blessings.

Solutions for you who are in a minority are not the same as for the majority of women in the Church who can and should be fulfilling their roles as wives and mothers.

It is a misguided idea that a woman should leave the home, where there is a husband and children, to prepare educationally and financially for an unforeseen eventuality. Too often, I fear, even women in the Church use the world as their standard for success and basis for self-worth." (Ezra Taft Benson, The Honored Place of Women, Ensign, Nov 1981, 104)

Perhaps many may think this is hard doctrine...well, that's what Laman and Lemuel said too. The church is not being sexist..we are simply following what God has instructed us to do.

I am not saying, and neither is the church, nor the prophets, that a woman cannot provide for her family if there are situations where she needs to do so (husband is handicapped, ill or unable). Neither are they condemning women who have not married yet. We have also been told that we must get an education! That is important, of course! But our first priority should be to fulfill the Plan of Salvation. It does not mean that we can ignore these responsibilities to have "more" (be it money, a new car, a new tv etc).

(Whew! Hopefully I don't offend anyone, but I think this needed to be said)

I believe that this is a wonderful role! I'm excited to fulfill it!

If you don't feel like that is something that you can/want to do, then pray about it! The Lord helps us gain a testimony of every gospel principle. It doesn't mean that you have to give up your dreams...just, modify them to fit the Lord's standards. If you want to read more about what the prophets have said just go to lds.org and search the Gospel Library for "Role of Women" or "Education Women".

Monterey

2010-06-08T09:54:00.004-06:00

Monterey Bay Aquarium. Since we were in California, and since we've never been here before, we decided to visit the World Famous Aquarium!! It was amazing. I think that pictures say a thousand words, so once again Ive posted a ton of pictures! Some I had to borrow off of the internet be cause our camera died... So, ENJOY!

(Aquarium entrance)

(Fabulous Sea Otters! We were able to catch the feeding too!)

(Nom nom nom...)

(Backside of the aquarium...anyone recognize this from the Star Trek 4 movie??)

(This is the "Kelp Forest" tank. There's a diver in there who is hand feeding the fish)

(Larger view of the Kelp Forest)

(Cannery Row...made famous by John Steinbeck's book by the same name. This is where the fish caught off the coast would be brought to be canned! So if your grandparents ate tuna, sardines, etc in the 40's/50's, this might be where it came from!)

Well, that's all for now :D

Lucky in Cali

2010-06-01T19:42:00.005-06:00

Lucky is having so much fun on his trip with Grandma! He likes California a lot.

Here is Lucky eating a HUGE, FRESH strawberry! He saw a lot of people picking them out of the field!

Here's Lucky with the map of Southern California! He likes listening to Beach Boys on the drive to Monterey!

Lucky got to see the ocean for the first time! The water was cold, and there were lots of Seagulls flying in the air!

Then Lucky saw Elephant Seals! You can see an Elephant Seal on the movie "Happy Feet". They have the Australian accent and talk about "Fun food".

There were a lot of cliffs and rocks on the ocean that Lucky got to see! It reminded him of the "How to Train Your Dragon" movie!!

Lucky's still having fun!!! He says HI!!!

California-Route 1

2010-06-01T18:58:00.007-06:00

Had a fantastic week! Went to Disneyland with some friends from back home, then headed to the LA LDS Temple in Santa Monica. It was my first time inside, so it was a great experience. There was such a sweetness and peace.

(Los Angeles Temple)

On Monday we got up bright and early and headed up the California Highway 1. It was a great drive! It took longer than just taking the regular freeway up-but it was completely worth it! The views were stunning, and the scenery changed around every corner! That was fantastic.

(San Simeon Pines Beach)

We listened to Beach Boys Songs most of the way up the 1! I think I only got bored for a half hour or so when we weren't driving next to the coast. But there were some vinyards and flower farms, so it was still entertaining.

(Vineyard somewhere on the 1)

As we were driving along, we were looking for another beach to stop off at to look around and take a break. There was a sign on the side of the road that said "Elephant Seal Beach 1/4 mile". So we pulled off. I didn't expect to see any seals on the beach, because after all, there are seasons for elephant seals to come up to the beaches. But the parking lot was packed and there were hundreds of people lining up against the fences. And then we saw the Elephant Seals. They were so noisy and covered the whole beach! I'm so glad we stopped!!!

(Elephant Seals on Elephant Seal Beach)

The "1" took us along the coast a little while longer, than climbed high above the ocean. We were driving up and down along the cliff edges for the last part of our trip. The views were spectacular! We listened to the "How to Train Your Dragon" soundtrack for this part of the trip because we felt like we were flying along the cliff edge!!!

(A little cove along the way)

(Us at the little cove)

(Light House just before Carmel)

It was a great day. We pulled into Monterey for the night!!

Travels of Lucky the Bear

2010-05-21T12:52:00.005-06:00

Every time we have to leave on a trip, my niece always gives my mom collateral, to make sure that "grandma" comes back. Because if grandma is given a toy to borrow, she will always bring it back. We've taken a bunny cross-country, and this time, we are taking:

Lucky the Bear.

Here's Lucky at Fort Cody with Grandma:

And here is Lucky inside a cannon:

Fort Cody

2010-05-21T12:18:00.006-06:00

So, the drive went faster than expected! We must have hit a time-warp bubble or something, because we made it all the way out to the West in less than 24 hrs! That's a record. But we did stop along the way....

Fort Cody Trading Post! It's in North Platte Nebraska, a welcome stop amidst the long drive. It's a tourist trap, but they have a great miniature exhibition of Buffalo Bill's Wild West show. It's free! And you might even see John Wayne or Elvis lurking amongst the merchandise.

Just hop off I/80 at the Highway 83 interchange if you are ever passing through!

Tonight

2010-05-19T22:58:00.006-06:00

I walked down the hallway after washing my hair and to make sure everyone in the house was still awake before I started blow drying it. Curiously, the back door was open and a bag of trash sat idly on the porch within my view. I figured that mom or DeAnna had taken it out and got distracted, so I stepped outside.

A warm breeze met my soaking hair and I breathed it in deeply. I love the air our here. I never feel like I'm stuggling to breathe, like in the West. The high, dry altitudes usually contribute to that. Out here the air is fresh and full of moisture. I almost feel as if I am breathing through osmosis.

As my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw that my mom was sitting on the stairs, staring into the glorious night sky. The moon came out for a visit, showing it's crescent face. I sat down beside her in silence as we listened to the frogs singing down in the creek beds, with all of God's majesty and wonder shining above our heads and laying beneath our feet.

I wonder how long it will be before I'm back. I'm leaving to go back out west for the summer, see if I can get a sit down job and put some time into school. I wonder if I'll be back before summer has ended or if it won't be till Christmas.

I was thinking about that as I was sitting there. The moon kept shining, the frogs kept singing and the breeze was a balm to my soul.

I heard something behind us and turned around......

and shrieked.

Yes. I shrieked.

And I scared it.

Just a little 'coon sniffing out his dinner in our trash.

It scared me too.

I don't ever want to forget this night.

Biscuits

2010-05-18T12:03:00.002-06:00

Indulge me. This is my favorite biscuit recipe in the whole world. I've probably gained 10 pounds because of this recipe. So, I thought I'd put it on my blog so I can find it without typing it into Google Search again...and so you can have it too...;) These are my favorite in the winter months when a stew is simmering and the snow is falling outside of the house. They are flaky, tender and golden!

Baking Powder Biscuits

(from a 1933 Recipe)

Ingredients:

2 cups sifted flour
2 tsp. baking powder
4 tablespoons butter or shortening
1/2 tsp. salt
about 3/4 cup milk

Sift Flour once, measure, add baking powder and salt, and sift again. Cut in shortening or butter. (this is where I use my hands by rubbing the butter into the flour). Add milk gradually, stirring until soft dough is formed. Turn out on slightly floured board and lightly "knead" for 30 seconds, enough to shape. Roll 1/2 inch thick and cut with 2 inch floured biscuit cutter. Bake on ungreased sheet in a 400 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. Makes 12 biscuits. These are great served with jam or honey.

Courtesy of Brenda Hyde via Old Fashioned Living

Stalking

2010-05-18T09:28:00.004-06:00

I've found that there is only one thing wrong with blogger. I love how easy it is to post and all sorts of other things. But there is one thing that makes wordpress superior. And that involves tracking.

On wordpress you can track who has come to your site and where they came from (i.e. google search, or from another wordpress member). This makes it kind of fun to know where your traffic is coming from, and you can see if your friends are looking at your blog.

But google now has a dashboard to track visitors for blogger, wordpress, your website.

It's called Google Analytics.

And now I know who's visiting my blog. Thanks guys! It's easy to use (just put in your URL) and if you already have a google account then it's a one-click sign up!

Here's a great explanation of how to use analytics with blogger!

It's a really great way to keep track of your visitors. But don't get too attached to it because I've heard a rumor that Google is going to install a Stats/tracking button inside blogger pretty soon. So, we'll have to get used to a new technology again :D

How To Train Your Dragon

2010-05-17T16:06:00.006-06:00

Okay. So I have to write about the best movie of all time-

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON!

It's epic. And I love it. And I'm obsessed. Pretty much.

What else can I say...ummm....

I love how fresh the movie is. The last dragon movie I saw was "Eragon" and it wasn't half bad! Both stories are novel and intriguing. Both deal with people riding on dragons but HHTYD is so much better. The graphics are fantastic. The first time (well, and every time since) I watched it I felt like I was a part of the movie-like I was really there! And I could feel the emotions of each of the characters. That hasn't happened since I watched the first Narnia movie.

The Story is all about a forbidden friendship between a dragon and a boy. Their worlds come colliding together in one fateful moment-where attitudes are changed as lives are in peril. Soaring through clouds and across the water you can almost feel the ocean spray.

There is one thing you should know about me. I hate watching reruns. I hate them! I can't stand watching a movie over and over again...yes, even Pride and Prejudice. I think that it takes away the surprise that you feel when you watched it for the first time.

But HHTYD...oh it only gets better and better every time I watch it!

My mom is going to read this post and she's going to shake her head.

But who cares!

HHTYD ROCKS MY WORLD!

If you haven't seen it, you need to. Trust me on this one. And you need to see it in theatres because it's incredible.

Did I mention that I've watched it in IMAX 3-D? That was an EPIC day.

THE END.

A Return With Honor

2010-05-16T16:15:00.004-06:00

After being able to serve my mission for 3 months, I had to come home last month. It's been a hard, and it's been a blessing. Here's what happened:

After being sick with bronchitis in the MTC and having my shin splints flare up again (and die back down) I left the MTC feeling invincible. One of my roommates at the MTC came down with the swine flu, so not only was I on antibiotics, I also was on antivirals! So I was really excited. Nothing could stop me.

My trainer described it best "She got out of the..van..and said 'My knees hurt'". Which was really weird, because although everyone else in my family has knee problems-I never have. So I ignored it for a while. It didn't hurt that bad. We had a walking area, so we walked a little bit that first week. And surprise, surprise, it got worse..but not too bad. So we started getting rides. Then, one night when we didn't have a ride, my knee started to give out. I knew that was bad.

So I called the mission president's wife. She said that she would see us at Zone Conference that week and then we could figure out what to do. ZC came and it was even worse. So I went to a doctor shortly thereafter. I had an MRI done and we waited for the results. The doc said I had torn my meniscus and needed surgery that week... a little odd...so we waited for another opinion.

The second opinion said: "There's nothing wrong. Go to physical Therapy 6 times and you'll be fine". I cried. If nothing was wrong, why was I hurting? It didn't seem right. So, we decided to try another opinion.

About this time I started to realize that this wasn't going to be an easy fix. And I started praying a lot. I wanted to be healed, to finish my mission, and to just not hurt! But very quickly I found that the Lord had another plan in mind for me. He wanted me to go on a mission, but He needed me somewhere else too. That was hard for me to understand at first, until He told me why. Now I understand. But I can't tell you just yet.

So I was prepared when my mission president interviewed me and told me that I would be "put on medical release". I was just glad that I didn't have to ask for it. At this point I was in a wheelchair whenever I was in the Visitor Center, because it got me off of my knees.

My mom picked me up before my release day and we went to another doctor..who told me that the knee cap was out of place and it would take about 2-6 months to heal it. Okay. I can handle that.

I went to physical therapy a couple of times while in St George, but there wasn't much they could do because of the pain levels. It even hurt to be on a bike. So they hooked me up to "The Shocker" (an electrical impulse machine) and iced my legs. And that's about it. The Physical Therapist (Ben, nicest guy!) just kept saying: "We have to let it calm down...just let it calm down."

So, that's what I'm doing now.

I was released over the phone by my stake president and then had my "exit" interview with my mission president. He was so kind and kept saying, "Once you get this cleared up we'd love to have you back!". I know they would. And I know I would love too go back.

Which is why I know I won't.

The Lord has another plan for me, another mission for me to be a part of. I'm ready to follow His plan...He's actually pretty good at what He does! And even if it means that I'm not getting what I want,

I know He will always give me something better.

MISSION CALL!

2009-12-23T07:10:00.003-07:00

I got my mission call to the Utah Provo Mission!! I'm excited to get to go back! I'll also be serving in the St George Temple Visitor's Center for a while. I report to the MTC on the 3rd of Feb 2010! What a great new year it will be!

I'm excited to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He needs me to. I'm thankful to be going to such a familiar place, surrounded by people that accept me. I'm so sure of how true this church is! I know with all that is in me that the Prophet Joseph Smith really was a prophet of God. He was visited and spoke with heavenly messengers. He translated the Book of Mormon. It is inspired of God and it is scripture. I know that a prophet of God leads this church today, President Thomas S. Monson. I know he is truly called of God.

How grateful I am to pay tithing, as it were, on my 20 years of living. I know the Lord will bless me in all that I say and do, as I strive to humbly teach His children.

My EPIC day.

2009-11-09T16:26:00.003-07:00

Today was a very epic day. Here is what happened:

1.) I ate goldfish under the kitchen table with my 4 yr old niece. She made me share.
2.) I ran across my huge backyard (screaming) to jump in a pile of leaves with my niece.
3.) I shoveled leaves with a snow shovel (it's more effective I think).
4.) I had hot chocolate with mini mini crunchy marshmallows.
5.) I roundhouse kicked a tree stump down to the bottom of the yard. (I got one down in the time it took my little sister to get 3...But mine was bigger I swear!!! Can we say that she has more Scot in her than I do?)

E.P.I.C.

Indeed. :D

Joseph Knight

2009-10-11T22:31:00.003-06:00

After reading an email from my cousin Brad, where he asked me some questions about our mutual ancestors, I set about to learn what I could and pass on the info. I had a skeleton of knowledge compared to what I have found.

My 6th great-grandfather is Joseph Knight Sr. His history is woven in and out of the history of the LDS Church and closely follows that of the Prophet Joseph Smith. He was there when Joseph's brother Alvin died, there when Joseph finally received the plates from the angel Moroni. He was there to bring provisions to Joseph and his young wife, Emma, as the Prophet translated the Book of Mormon. He was there when the church was founded. On that day, some were baptized into the church. Joseph said"I had thoughts to go forward". But he did not. He wanted to "examine" the Book of Mormon more closely. He regretted that he did not go forward that day But I should a felt better if I had gone forward". He and his family were baptized just a few months later in June.Joseph Knight was there when Joseph Smith was first accused and tried falsely. He followed him to Kirtland, Far West and Nauvoo. He died while crossing the plains, in Mt Pisgah, Iowa 1847.

Joseph Smith said of him: [He] was among the number of the first to administer to my necessities, while I was laboring in the commencement of the bringing forth of the work of the Lord, and of laying the foundation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For fifteen years he has been faithful and true, and even-handed and exemplary, and virtuous and kind, never deviating to the right hand or to the left. Behold he is a righteous man, may God Almighty lengthen out the old man's days; and may his trembling, tortured, and broken body be renewed, and in the vigor of health turn upon him if it be Thy will, consistently, O God; and it shall be said of him, by the sons of Zion, while there is one of them remaining, that this was a faithful man in Israel; therefore his name shall never be forgotten.

And he is not forgotten. As a daughter of Zion and Joseph's descendant, I proclaim that he was a righteous and faithful man. May many generations after me proclaim the same!!!

St. Paul's Cathedral!

2009-07-28T15:55:00.005-06:00

Today we went in to London to see St. Paul's Cathedral.

This magnificent edifice, built by Sir Christopher Wren has withstood almost 300 years of London's history. And that is just the Cathedral we see today. It's foundation lies upon the foundations of other cathedrals built bearing the name of St Paul. There have been at least 3 before the current one, if not more. Indeed, a cathedral to St. Paul has stood on this very spot since 906 AD!

I don't have a lot of time to write, but i will say that we went into the crypt and saw the burial places of Lord Nelson, the Duke of Wellington, as well as that of Sir Christopher Wren and his wife. We also climber 507 steps to stand on the outside of the dome and take in the magnificent views!

(DeAnna, taking in the view of London from St Paul's)

(It was rather windy up there!)

Here's a link to a virtual tour of St Pauls!

http://www.sphericalimages.com/stpauls/virtual_tour.htm

CHEERIO!

Her Majesty, the Queen

2009-07-27T12:23:00.006-06:00

We didn't fall asleep last night until about 2am....jet lag is still hanging on to us, but only by a thread now! I had the front desk call us at 8am to wake us up...it was hard to get out of bed but we did it!

We got in to London about 10 am or so...got off at the St James Park station and walked over to Buckingham Palace! This would be our second time seeing the exterior, since the first day we met our friends out in front of the Palace.

We "queued", or stood in line, for about a half hour to get tickets! But is was entirely worth it.

First, we went through the state rooms. They were so grand and large! A few of the highlight include the Throne Room, the Ballroom, the State Dining Room and the Music Room.

The Grand Stairs....

It was delightful to go up these stairs! In fact it was more than delightful...because I was actually listening to the audio tour and there was grand music playing at the same time I was walking up the stairs! I felt like a princess..

The Throne Room

The Ballroom

The ballroom can serve many functions, from being a ballroom to being a banquet hall. I can only imagine what the balls are like at Buckingham Palace! On the first day of a state visit, the Queen entertains the visiting head of state with a banquet. This tradition is as old as the institiution of monarchy itself! 160 people can be seated in the ballroom.

The State Dining Room

The magnificent State Dining Room, though smaller than the ballroom, is just as grand, if not grander. It commands a beautiful view of the west lawn in addition to seating 46 people.

The Music Room

Finally! The best room in the house :D I loved it!

After seeing the State Rooms, we got to see the Queen's Gallery, and the Royal Mews! That's all I have time for today!!!! I'll update this post later...

(Windy!!)

BM, V&A and Mind the Gap

2009-07-25T14:42:00.005-06:00

We stayed up until 1am London time watching Star Gate:Atlantis, trying to beat jet lag. I think it was efficient, although DeAnna woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. We came back from London today and I crashed...I only meant to sleep for a little while and have them wake me, but they didn't! And they went to sleep as well. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it hadn't been 7pm! I woke up after my "nap" and probably won't go to sleep till 1 or 2....just about the time they wake up from their naps. Nasty jet lag! Messing with everything....

Despite the jet lag, today was a great day! We walked to the tube station and rode all the way in to Holborn, where we took another walk to the British Museum. The British Museum was actually founded in 1753!

The British Museum houses so many treasures from not only Great Britain, but from around the world! Excavations from Egypt brought quite a few such treasures into the hands of Europe and the English.

One of the most interesting treasures brought back from the excavations is the Rosetta Stone.

The Rosetta Stone was key in learning Egpytian hieroglyphs. As you can see in the picture above, there are three different languages. The first is Anicient Egyptian hieroglyphics. The second, Demotic Egyptian and finally, Greek. Each section contains the same text, only in a different language. Using the Greek to translate the Demotic, and then using Demotic to translate the hieroglyphs, the code was cracked and the rest is history.

There were so many things to see at the British Museum! From Egypt to Assyria, from Mummies to Norse Swords it took us 4 or 5 hours to get through the museum!

Another interesting thing we saw was the wrapped mummy of a young woman named Cleopatra. Although she wasn't THE Cleopatra, it was still interesting to see! Because of CAT scans and X-rays, British scientists were able to determine how old she was at the time of death. She was 17.

One last AMAZING thing we saw at the BM.

This is one of two pillars that are called the Gate of Nimrud, built by Assyrian king, Ahsirnapal II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashurnasirpal_II). They are GIGANTIC!

After the British Museum, we grabbed a bite to eat from a nearby TESCO (small-ish grocery store) and walked to the Bloomsbury Square Gardens. We loved eating in the open air! A pigeon came waddleing by, so I threw a piece of bread at him. Then another pigeon came by...and another! Before too long there were 5 pigeons in front of me! Just when I thought I was going to have to hide my lunch, a little old man came walking into the park with a bag of bread crumbs. He dumped them on the ground and pigeons came from EVERYWHERE!!! It was funny to watch...

After lunch we took a tube to St. James Park and went to see Buckingham Palace, but unfortunately, it was closed today!!! So we had to walk back to the tube...but we decided to hop over to the Victoria and Albert Museum (commonly referred to as the V&A)! It was fantastic! What gets me the most about London Museums is that the buildings are phenomenal! And even better than that, they were built to house museums!

One of the highlights of the V&A was the Raphael Gallery. Raphael was a famous Italian artist from the late 15th century-early 16th. His work is PHENOMENAL. He was a contemporary of da Vinci and Michaelangelo. When I walked into the gallery I had no idea what to expect. What I saw floored me.

Huge paintings! Room sized, at least! They actually weren't meant to be paintings, but cartoons for tapestries! Artists would paint a "cartoon" or a guide for weavers as they worked on the tapestries. Fantastic!

Well, after looking around at the V&A for a couple of hours we decided to head back to the hotel. It has been an awesome day!

For anyone who is still curious about the title of this post (and for those of you that actually scrolled back up to check the title :D ) here's an explanation!

When riding the tube, there is a recorded announcement made for every station you come to. A lovely British woman's voice says "The next stop is Charing Cross" or "Please step away from the doors". My favorite however, is, "Please mind the gap between the train and the platform". Mind the Gap!

LONDON!

2009-07-24T12:36:00.006-06:00

So, after much diliberation and a lot of planning, Mom, DeAnna and I stepped onto a plane in Salt Lake City that took us to Chicago, got on another plane that took us to Philedelphia and finally, we boarded a plane that brought us to LONDON! AH! I still can't believe that we are here, even though we've been here for since Tuesday!

Yesterday, we went into London to meet up with some friends of mine. We went to so many things! We met them in front of Buckigham Palace, at the Victoria Memorial Statue.

(Buckingham! Note the crowds!)

(Victorian Memorial)

I told them 10:30am, although we didn't get there till around 11. Never, ever, ever ever have someon meet you by the Victoria Memorial between the hours of 10am and 12 noon!! The reason for this is because the Changing of the Guard occurs at 11am, and there are HUNDREDS of people EVERYWHERE! Luckily, our friends, Em and Cath are very tall, so we could see them easily. We waited and saw the changing of the guard, because we were already there, and because we couldn't really get out! The bobbies (police) were directing traffic, but mostly holding it as the band and the new set of guards came down the street.

Eventually we got out, and made our way up the Mall past St. James' Park. It was a pretty walk and I had to pinch myself a couple times because I still couldn't believe we were in London

(View of Big Ben through the lawn chairs)

(DeAnna and I in a telephone booth)

(In front of the Trafalgar Square Statue)

We walked to Trafalgar Square and went inside the National Gallery, an art gallery that holds art from some of the most famous painters alive! We saw paintings by Renoir, da Vinci, Rembrandt, Van Gogh and Monet! When we waked in to the room with the Monet paintings, I was floored to see his painting of the bridge over his lily pond! I love that painting! I seriously sat and stared at it for 5 minutes! This is the real deal! We also saw Van Gogh's painting of sunflowers!

(Right outside the doors of the gallery)

After the National Gallery we decided to grab some lunch...we went across the square to Tesco's and bought some sandwhiches. Then we hopped on a double decker bus that took us right past Big Ben (which is actually the name of the bell inside of the clock tower) and the Houses of Parliament. We hopped off by Westminster Abbey and then walked over to the tube (subway) station right under Big Ben. Along our walk we got to stand in the shadow of Big Ben! We got off the tube at Victoria Embankment and ate our lunch in the park.

After we finished lunch we hopped on the tube again to go to Covent Garden.

It is an open air market under the shelter or what appears to be an old train station. There are shops inside and out, and performers everywhere! There are human statues and acrobats, as well as musicians! I bought a scarf there!

We hopped back on the tube to go to the Natural History Museum, where Cath and Em (along with their friend Katie) showed us the giant whale and the giant baby! It was an experience I won't forget!

(The giant whale...and us!)

Too jet lagged today to go out. I'll have another update tomorrow!

EFY 2009 Begins!!!!

2009-06-13T22:24:00.006-06:00

Oh! I have spent the last two weeks glorisously working at efy! It has been a huge blessing, and also a ton of fun! But it has seemed more like 2 months than 2 weeks! Each week is beautiful...

It seems like I have never left efy. On my first week back it seemed like i had just had a wonderful week off and came right back to it! Except that I have grown A LOT since last summer!

Madeline (one of my co-cos from last year, and a BC this year) and I were talking about that tonight. This summer is a lot different because of who I am now.

Okay, so recap for week one....
I was assigned to amazing co-counselors, Spencer, Ryan and Stephanie! I was so hyped to be with them! Then, about 11pm on sunday night I got

a phone call saying that I was being moved to a different building, that I would have a new co and that I had all new girls!!! Two girl counselors had been unable to make it to work the week, so I ended up getting their girls! I had 16 total, all to myself!

It was insanity, but at the same time I worked really hard to know

each of

them and to spend time with them. They are amazing young women! Each is fighting her

own battle, and, hopefully winning it! I had a girl who gained a testimony of prayer and the love

that her Heavenly Father has f

or her. It was a wonderful, touching moment. There were some difficult moments as well through the week, but thanks to the Lord and Jessica and Aaron's wonderfu

l team, I was able to make it thr

ough in one piece!

Our session director, Brother Searle, was also incredible! He and his wife were so focused on working with the youth!

Week 2......

I was so excited to only have 10 girls this week! I rem

ember last year that I thought that was a lot of girls! No longer..... :D The apartments we stayed in for the week made a world of difference in our devotionals and in how much time I was able to spend with my girls. Devotionals were 100 times better in the living room of the apartments than in the dorm halls!!! I felt that focus was a lot better than it has been. So that is a plus to the apartments! They do have some negative aspects, but for the most part they do just fine :D My girls were wonderful this week!! I was very impressed on monday night when we got back the apartment and they started talking about modesty...having a real discussion on it! I felt like I was going to pass out! They were amazing! Brother Rob

ley was our session director and was he amazing! I felt that he really worked hard to be with the youth and reach out to them. But he also reached out to the counselors as well! One other highlight

, I got to sing a song from the efy cd to 800 people! I wa

s grateful to have the opportunity to bear my testimony through song! The song is titled "I Will".

Melissa, Colby and I!

Brother Robley!

Week 3...

Begins in 2o hours!!!!

Where Heaven Meets the Earth.

2009-04-28T21:19:00.002-06:00

After about 6 months of battleing cancer, my dear daddy passed away this saturday, at 8am. He was admitted to the hospital on friday afternoon after passing out at home. He regained consciousness and my mom called the paramedics. The doctors said that he had thrown a blod clot, so they took him into emergency surgery to place a screen in the main artery that came from his legs, to stop the blood clots from entering his lungs. I was in Provo taking finals at the time, so I rushed up to Logan to see him and the family. I was able to be there before they took him in for surgery, and our little family had a prayer together. He made it out of surgery just fine, and then they placed him in a room. We stayed for a little while, but when it looked like he was stable, I decided to head back down to take my next final in the morning. I hugged him good-bye and walked out the door. I felt bad for leaving, but I wanted to get that last final out of the way so that I could just spend time with my family. On my way down in the morning, I called my brother to see how dad was doing...and got to tell my dad that I loved him. He was in a lot of pain. 15 minutes later, he passed away. I feel so blessed to have been able to talk to him before he passed, and even though I found out about his passing sitting alone in an Institute parking lot, I was still comforted.

A lot of thoughts are running through my head right now. I feel sad because he will never be here to see me leave on my mission, see my wedding, or my children, or to give me a father's blessing. I will miss him so much. Yet, I am reminded of the beautiful, eternal covenants that my parents made when they were married for all eternity in the temple. My father kept those covenants, and I can be a peace concerning our reuniting. He will be my daddy forever. Nothing will ever be able to take that away, as long as I live my life the best that I can. I'm thankful for Heavenly Father's gracious plan of....happiness :D. It truly is.

I feel a lot of peace. There are moments where I am struck with the realization that he won't be here. The morning after I woke up and thought "Who will squich all of the spiders?". I don't like spiders crawling in my room and I always called daddy to come squish them for me. Or, "Who is going to eat that strawberry ice cream? Because none of us girls will touch it". It's the funny, small things that remind me of him. Today it was my FAFSA. Daddy always took care of that stuff, and he did all of it but the last little bit....and it was so frustrating. I missed him.

But, one of the rare blessings, is that I get to take my dad one my mission with me. How many people get to do THAT?

Efy Counselor Thoughts

2009-04-14T18:44:00.004-06:00

Alright, so it's about time that I posted about efy.....

To start out with, I was an efy counselor last year. Efy (or Especially For Youth) is a program that helps teenagers come together to be with friends of their own age, standards and religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or the Mormons). They come for a week and get to experience a fun, spiritual week!

As a counselor, it was my job to teach and love each of these precious youth. I think that doing efy was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. These youth.....they are so good, so wonderful, and so amazing. They have many challenges to face, and I know that they face them with faith. I had such a beautiful summer teaching...though I think I learned more than I ever taught! It was 8 weeks of beautiful bliss and blisters!!

I reapplied to be a counselor this year, and 6 weeks after my interview I was given contracts!!! So far I have 4, which I am very grateful for! I cannot wait. Seriously, I can't!! I'm so excited for it! To be in the presence of such wonderful youth and to be able to teach....I love teaching. There truly is no greater call than to teach. But more than teaching, I love to watch the youth discover the principles that I am teaching. I try to ask questions of them, make them search deep inside for the answers, so that they are comfortable in searching, comfortable in sharing, and comfortable in doing.

One of the greatest things about efy is the (almost) immediate love that I feel for each of the girls entrusted to my care. For some, it came the moment I met them. For others, I learned to love them. I felt God's love for His daughters. I was so grateful for that blessing. It was so easy to love them!

EFY is amazing. I'm so glad that I have been able to be a counselor and that I will be a counselor again this summer!!!

6 weeks and counting!!

What I Have Learned...March 2008-March 2009

2009-03-11T13:45:00.004-06:00

My friend challenged me to make this list! Now, make one of your own!

What I Have Learned, March 2008-March 2009

I have learned that stressing gets you nowhere...except towards a bigger headache.
Life is always better when you have a Jamba in your hand.
Never use a plastic utensil in hot grease.
Family is more important than anything else you have going on. Always.
a^2 + b^2 =c^2 Thank you Pythagoras.
If you aren't feeling happy, go serve someone. It's a natural anti-depressant.
Never let your passions over rule your head. Never let your head over rule your passions. Balance them!
Don't make the Spirit tell you more than once to do anything
Miracles can happen
Being an EFY Counselor is hard work, harder than anything I've ever done...but the experience was worth more to me than the what I put into it and sacrificed.
Be nice. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.
Wear good shoes. And don't wear the same pair every day.
Running, jumping and chasing teenagers will cause shin splints.
Sprinklers are heavenly in the middle of August.
Never take more than 16 credits a semester
Never take a class before 8 o'clock am.
Don't take any kind of flack from people. Stand your ground.
Remember to smile, even when no one is looking. It will make you feel better.
Every problem on the earth could be solved if people weren't obese (courtesy of Health Professor)
Listen to music before falling asleep at night.
Don't let your best friend leave on his mission without calling him and telling him good-bye
Focus more on others than on yourself
Don't unload on people. Usually their load is bigger than yours.
Try to be as helpful as you can, at home, in class, at work.
If someone is asking you for money, it's because they need it. Don't turn them away!
Eat an apple instead of candy
EFY Polos do not look good on anyone.
Quitting a job is okay.
God is really good at His job, so, let Him do it!
Don't be so worried about things. Everything works out in the end
When you get anxious about homework being due, or having a test, relax. Usually the professor doesn't show up on that day.
Don't tell everyone your life story.
Try not to drive the same way to work and school every day. It will make you crazy.
Skip class just for the sake of skipping class. But don't do it too often.
Stand up for what you believe in, even if it's under attack and you are the only one who will fight back. (Courtesy Ethics and Values class)
Only take classes from professors who give 30%+ of their class A's (courtesy pickaprof.com)
Being in a wheelchair is rough business. Don't do it unless you really have to. And then, love every moment and try and find the good in it.
Always respect everyone, able or disabled, kind or unkind, different or the same.
Always follow a prompting.
Let everyone know how much you care about them.
Never leave a question unanswered.
Listen to what people are saying, don't just brush them off
Dream big.
Sing like no one is listening.
Be curious!
Learn enthusiastically
Thank the bus drivers :D
Live with no regrets...if you have regrets, fix them!

love, Anne

Thinking.....

2009-02-16T21:07:00.003-07:00

I'm a pretty nice person...really,I am! But, I have a lot of character flaws (yes friends, A LOT). I've been working on one of those flaws lately. I tend to be critical of people, taking offense at little things that people say or do, wondering why they don't have any manners etc. I've been trying lately to look for the best in people, to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sister Marjorie Hinckley once said "Be kind. Everyone you know is fighting a hard battle."

I agree. We are all going through hard things....because life is hard!!!! True, some things may be harder to get through than others, but at the moment the thing we are going through is probably the hardest thing ever.

All I want to do is try to be able to remember that when someone says something curt to me, when they are sarcastic or when they are out to be offensive.

And all I ask is that others think about that before they say things. Nothing can hurt more than a friend who is short with you, or demands something from you in the very hour that you need their arms around your shoulder.

An Everyday Hero

2009-01-28T07:59:00.004-07:00

Every morning I get up in the freezing cold to go to school. I drive the same way and listen to the same radio stations. I park in one of the farthest lots and take a shuttle into Main Campus (yes, we're almost as cool as Disneyland). Getting on the shuttle can sometimes be a problem because it fills so quickly. If you're there at about 7:45 you can probably get a seat, but when we pull out at 7:50 all seating and standing room is taken, and we pull out of the parking lot.

My purpose in writing this is not to bore you out of your mind with the trivial affairs of my life, rather, it is to set the background for An Everyday Hero.

I've only seen him twice on the shuttle when I ride it. Maybe he gets there earlier and takes the previous shuttle. The first time I saw him he climbed on the bus and took a seat. As the shuttle began to fill he looked around anxiously and then settled back in. A girl took one of the last seats and a couple of guys walked on and stood holding the bars above their heads. Just then, a young lady stepped up the stairs and looked around for a seat. When she couldn't find one she simply stood where she was and reached up for the bar above her head. It didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary to me, just a normal day on the shuttle.

Suddenly, the young man next to me stood up and graciously offered the young lady his seat.

What happened next surprised me even more than him offering his seat. I saw other young men on the bus getting our of their seats, offering them to the nearest young lady. He had started a chain reaction.

What a man. I don't think I've meet one in such a long time (with the exception of a few of my very gentlmanly friends). I was pleasantly surprised. I don't think he'll ever know it, but to me, that day he was a hero.

It doesn't end there. This morning I woke up, ran through freezing temperatures to my freezing car, which I then drove to the school. I ran to the shuttle and sat down, eager to be out of the cold. The bus filled and he got on just before we pulled out. There were a lot of girls standing, but he was standing as well, so he couldn't do anything about it. At our first stop we dropped off quite a few people and a seat cleared next to me. He sat down, but only after he had checked to make sure no girl was standing. Just then, just as he had sat down, another passenger boarded the shuttle. It was a young lady. And what did our friend do? He could have easily sat back thinking, "Well, I just sat down and we really aren't going that far". But he didn't. Up he popped, out of his seat offering it to her.

Even if no one else noticed, he was a hero to me.

Box of Chocolates

2009-01-20T17:07:00.004-07:00

Life is like a box of chocolates.....before you know it, it's all gone!

Life is like a box of chocolates....always full of surprises!
Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get!

People are like a box of chocolates....there's always a surprise inside!
People are like a box of chocolates....NUTS!

Candles!!!

2009-01-19T15:47:00.003-07:00

Today I discovered a new way to have fun. It's outrageously old fashioned, but that fits me! Missy and I took a couple of candles to the back porch and started breaking them apart-using hammers! We smashed those candles into bits. I collected the bits and put them in a couple of tin cans. Then I took a glass jar, and my candle warmer-plate, stuck the jar on the plate and dropped in chunks of candles! It's melting as we speak. I'm going to layer the different colored waxes in the jar I think. Who knows, maybe I could sell candles eventually??? It is great fun though.

I think I can trace my candle fetish back to the days when I was a pioneer. Haha. I'm not THAT old! I used to volunteer at a living history museum/historical park. We would go once a week to a certain house all decked out from head to toe in pioneer costume and do different kinds of pioneer chores, while visitors watched and asked us if we were really pioneers (giggle). One of those "chores" was to make candles! We would melt the wax then dip the wick into the wax...one layer at a time! It could take 30-45 min to make a decent candle and patience was required!

I loved it though. And I love candles. And I'm excited to making them again!

The Best Semester of My Life

2009-01-18T17:20:00.004-07:00

This semester has been the best ever!!! My classes are all PERFECT and my professors are so nice! My schedule isn't overloaded (I'm only taking 12 credits) and I'm interested in all of the classes I'm taking!

Here's my classes:

Astronomy-To start out with, my professor is a great-grandpa! He makes jokes about being old and talks about Copernicus and Galileo as if he grew up with them! On top of all of that, we meet in the Planetarium....which has reclining seats! So, we get to sit back, relax and listen to our professor joke around! It's the best!

Health for Elementary Teachers-At first I thought that this class might be a bit boring, you know, because it's about health. I was completely wrong! Our class room is 10' by 20' ! You can't help but get to know each other and smile in a room that small! We spend a lot of time talking about how to present health topics to our classes. Way too much fun. The class consists of mostly girls, with one exception, our man, Brad. I think he enjoys that class just a bit too much. ;)

Public Speaking-My professor is a Theatre Major who served as an officer in the army! You can only imagine how awesome that is...I've already gotten into a clump of people...we're working together on a project and enjoying every moment of it, though we tend to talk more about relationships than the actual project :S

Math 1010-Math. Oh boy. Not my favorite subject, but I'm beginning to understand it better! On the first day of class, everyone filed in and took their seats quietly. I looked around the room and noticed that most of my class mates look like teenagers. Which they are. Exciting. I watched a couple of other people come in, a woman who looks about 50 and a younger man in a funny winter hat. He came in out of breath...and was late by like 5 min or so. At that point I was getting impatient. Where was our professor??? He was late. My attention got pulled back into the classroom when the man in the hat leaned over to another student and asked "This is Math 1010, right?" A common question for the first week of school. After a nod from the other student prompted him to ask another question: "Is this professor good?". "Well, I've heard good things about him..." the other student trailed off. "That's good.." the man in the funny hat rose from his seat "because I'm your professor!". Laughter erupted from my mouth while other students sat there stunned, others simply stared. It was a good joke.

That's just a little peek into....The Best Semester of My Life!

Standards...

2009-01-12T14:26:00.003-07:00

Being Mormon can be pretty tough at times. You are a strict observer of your faith, which I hope, is true for most Mormons.

We don't drink alcoholic beverages, coffee, or tea. We do not use tobacco, whether that's for chewing or smoking. We have been counseled by our church leaders to not date until 16 years of age. We are counseled never to watch, read or participate in anything that can harm our spirits, including (but not limited to) reading/watching violent or pornographic media (We have been counseled to never watch R-rated movies, and to be wary of most PG-13). We dress modestly (knees, shoulders, backsides, and chests covered) and cleanly.

Everyday we not only represent our church, but we represent our Savior. We took His name upon us at baptism, and try to act as He would in our situation. We believe that lowering our standards will cause the influence of the Holy Ghost to withdraw from our lives and we are left without light in a darkened room.

But keeping our standards is not the toughest part about being Mormon. It's the ridicule (and hurt) that we face when other members of our faith choose not to uphold the standards that they profess in. I can take any other kind of ridicule/persecution/call it what you will. Anything but that.

It hurts me that those members choose to take so lightly the counsel that they profess to believe in. I guess every religion has its hypocrites, but I had hoped that ours was different.

I just don't understand why people won't live what they say they believe. If you don't believe in it, great, take yourself somewhere else and do what you want with your life. But if you believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet, then you believe that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet. If you believe the Book of Mormon is true, you believe that they are prophets and that all the counsel they give is truly from God. If you believe this, then you know it is wrong to disobey any of the commandments and that it is wrong to lower your standards! Don't you get it? You have promised to keep the commandments! One of those commandments is to listen to the warning voice of the prophet!!!

I plead with you to not just talk Mormon, but to live Mormon. If you believe it, then DO IT!

Miss Always Invisible

2008-12-15T21:12:00.004-07:00

by Marie Digby

There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she can't find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...

Chorus
Take a little look
At the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder
I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look
At the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer
And maybe then you will see
Why she waits for the day when you'll ask her name

The beginning
In the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem
To get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes
When they laughed and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...

Chorus
Take a little look
At the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder
I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look
At the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer
And maybe then you will see
Why she waits for the day when you'll ask
Her name

And one day just the same as the last
Just the days spent in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers
Just a little bit further behind...

Heroes....

2008-12-12T20:07:00.002-07:00

The real heroes in the world don't wear capes..

Wanderings...

2008-12-06T23:32:00.003-07:00

I guess it's been a while. The past month has probably been one of the hardest of my life...so many things....so much growing up. I don't even feel like the same person that I was at the end of the summer. I feel so different. At first I was a little lost, but I think I found myself again.

Dad's been getting shots every week and that's been helping to fight the cancer. This week, he started radiation treatment to finish off what might be left over from the tumor.

I don't know if I've just been denying that this whole thing has happened, or just pretending that it is some dream that I'm really not a part of. Or, because of all of the miracles that have happened along the way, I have a hope....I pray it is the latter.

As for me, finals are next week and I am swamped with assignments...all things that I could have done at the beginning of the semester, or at least half-way through, but put them off till the last possible moment. It's alright. I'll push really hard this week and maybe be able to keep my name on the Dean's List. Maybe.

My friend, Kim, was baptized today. I was very humbled that she asked me to speak on the Holy Ghost, and grateful at the same time. It has been a while since I have been able to publicly share my testimony...I was thankful for the opportunity. I was also grateful that she asked me, so that I would be able to share with her the wonderful news that we are never alone, and that God has provided us with a Comforter, to help us in our hard times. He can ease the pain of loss when we grieve and erase the nagging cares of our lives through the peace that he brings. How grateful I am for the unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost.

1st Grade

2008-11-06T17:01:00.003-07:00

Oh how I loved working with the first graders this morning! Mrs. B's class is by far one of the best classes I've seen! She is a marvelous teacher, and her students adore her. The room is covered from head to toe with posters on the weather to posters on writing. Student creations line the walls and desks. Each desk has it's own crayon tray...for the creative minds that sit at it.

I was able to help out 6 or 7 students this morning with their reading. Some struggled and others did very well. At first they seemed a little wary of me, but by the time recess rolled around they were almost begging me to play with them. We went to computer time, and P.E. together and they were showing off as much as possible. One little boy gifted a leaf and stick to me. I will keep it as a trophy of the trust I gained from him.

There was only a few small discipline incidents, all of which came when I was walking with the students to P.E. or during P.E. Someone said something that hurt C.'s feelings, and then S. was hit by a jumprope that hit her during P.E. They were sweet though, and apologized when I told them that it wasn't a very nice thing to do.

Elementary Ed

2008-11-06T16:36:00.005-07:00

Week 3 1.5 hrs
Today I was able to work with some more children, I believe that I now have 4 students that I am tutoring. I did a brief introduction of a new book that they will be reading along with (to a recorded version). This should help improve their reading skills because they can hear the words that they don't know. The book is about the Moon, and I had several excited young people when we were done reviewing it.

Ms. B is one of the nicest teachers I've ever met. She has a great way with keeping the class in control. She will count down from 5 to 1 whenever she is needing to get their attention. This is a fantastic way of keeping in control of the class, but not being controlling.

Week 4 1.5 hrs
I just love working with these 5th graders. They are always a delight to listen to, and it is exciting to see them learn so quickly. We went over the next book, all about endangered animals. They were so excited to learn about the kokapoo, an endangered bird who doesn't fly.

It's interesting to note the difference in reading levels in the students that I work with. Some are struggling to read 3rd grade materials, while others can read those same books easily. I'm beginning to see that there is a delicate balance to keeping a class room on the same level, when really, each individual has their own needs, and differs from other students in so many ways.

Week 5 1.5 hrs
Tutoring in reading again. I am beginning to sense that I've been able to give these students over the past few weeks has helped them, they seem to more confident at least when they read. They aren't afraid to ask questions or comment on the reading. I think that they have begun to trust me :D

One of the boys I am working with said something interesting to me today. He said that he wasn't a very good reader, and that he struggled with some of the harder books. When I asked him which book he had been having trouble with he said, quite dejectedly, "The Hobbit". I
almost chuckled, but checked it and let him know that the best way to read The Hobbit was to work up to it, read chapter books first and then keep reading. Eventually he'll be able to do it. I love his ambition though.

Week 6 1.5 hrs
I almost didn't go to the elementary school this morning. I've had a lot to deal with the past couple of weeks and I was just feeling down. But before I went to bed I realized that those students who I have been working with are expecting me to be there to help them. How could I ignore that?

In truth, what I did at the school this morning was nothing spectactular, nothing life changing. But in a way it still was. I was there for those students, to be a stable force in their lives this week.

Week 7 1.5 hrs
Today was presentation day, where each "group" from class presented on the book that they have been reading for the past month. The students were so creative in their projects, I was truly impressed. I saw a lot of great team work going on in the room as they were preparing to present. Some students took charge and helped to organize their presentation, giving each classmate an assignment. Some presented while others held the poster, or in the case of one group, they all presented different parts of the story.

I have learned a lot from my 10 hours in the fifth grade. I now have an idea of how a class room runs, and the different kinds of structure needed to accomplish different tasks.
Presentations

Update

2008-10-17T22:54:00.003-06:00

They removed the tumor from my dad's brain last saturday. It's still in the lab being tested, but we know he has cancer elsewhere. Melanoma, thank goodness. And it hasn't progressed beyond the fatty tissues yet. It won't be an easy fix, but it looks like we are going to put up with dad for a little while longer.

I won't mind. That's for sure.

Daddy

2008-10-01T14:28:00.003-06:00

Every little girl thinks that her daddy is the best thing the world has to offer. He is her idol. He takes her hiking, teaches her how to ride a bike, and most importantly, kills that "huge" spider in her bedroom. He sings her to sleep at night. She knows that he will go out of his way to do anything for her, including taking a 2-hour detour to see Chimney Rock. As she grows older, he is the man she can always depend on, a lighthouse for the sailor on rough sea. He always takes care of her, which includes chasing off any boys that are interested in his little girl. He watches chic fliks almost every friday night because that's what she wants to do. He's seen Pride and Prejudice at least a dozen times, but hasn't finished his John Wayne series that he got for Christmas. So, she caves in and lets him listen to the local radio station on the drive to school every morning. Even though she is no longer a little girl, she always feels like it with her daddy. He is invincible to her.

My mom just called and let me know that the results for dad's catscans are in.

He has a mass at the top of his spinal cord. The doctor said that it could just be a mass of puss resulting from an infection. But it could also be cancerous.

It's a scary thought for a little girl to realize that her daddy isn't invincible anymore.

Monday

2008-09-29T14:22:00.002-06:00

I'm screaming inside. Why does life always seem to fall apart on mondays?

No One

2008-09-25T08:58:00.003-06:00

"No One"-Aly & AJ

I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?

[Chorus:]
And I ask myself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
and I tell myself

No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..

You are moving through the crowd
Trying to find yourself
Feelin' like a doll left on a shelf
Will someone take you down?

[Chorus:]
And you ask yourself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
Gotta tell yourself
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..

Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall
You turn the light on to erase it all
You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless
So open all the blinds and all the curtains

No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me..

We are moving through the crowd...

Nothing...and yet, Something.

2008-09-24T20:55:00.005-06:00

I don't actually feel like blogging today. I can't think of anything funny, or serious, or anything to share....except..

I did get in a car accident last night. I was just driving through an intersection, minding my own business when an SUV/truck (who knows...it was big though) decided to shove over into my lane. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt by saying that he didn't see me there. Well, to this very hour I like to believe that he didn't see me in that lane. Doubtless, he doesn't even have a clue that he left a frightened girl stranded on the side of the road last night. The damage? Two blown out tires, one backache and shin-splints starting to act up again. Oh, and red puffy eyes from crying. All in all, a lot better than a hospital visit any day.

I remember having to make the decision to hit the sidewalk instead of him. It all happened so fast, but I think that I made the best choice. Had he hit me, I probably would have collided with another car stopped at the intersection. Sandwhiched between two impossibly large vehicles, I don't think my little honda could have withstood the pressure....to think that I escaped serious injury by half a second? That is worth celebrating!

After my car hit the sidewalk and I slamed the brakes on, the two of us (Harry....my car and I) came to a stop. My cried out. I was scared. And I knew I was in shock, so I had to be careful. I grabbed my phone (which had been in my hand before impact and was now under my seat and called home. My sister answered the phone. "Is mom there?!" I managed to get out inbetween sobs. I got out of the car and assessed the damage. I was scared to stay in the car in case it got hit by someone. But I was more scared to stay out of the car, mainly because I'm a girl, alone, and it was dark. What I wouldn't have given for a the strong arms of a friend to hold me! But I stayed out of the car, and within 5 minutes or so a mom and dad pulled over and stepped out of their car to see if I was okay. They stayed with me till my parents got there. I can tell you one thing, Angels do exist. And they came in the form of Greg and Debbie Crosby. What a wonder to know that the Lord sent them to me in the exact moment that I needed them. I consider it a tender mercy, and a miracle. I pray that the Lord will always bless them for their compassion and generosity.

Needless to say we got the car towed back to the house.....and we'll be getting new tires in the morning.

But what a day. I'm not sure what I was supposed to learn from that experience, but hopefully I figure it out fast so I don't have to go through it again anytime soon!

I'm not your typical girl....

2008-09-20T08:26:00.001-06:00

I will never wear my skirt shorter
So I can catch your eye
I will never fake my own tragedy
And happen to stop by
I will never order what pleases you
When I'm on a date
I will never overly analyze
Every word you say
I won't strategically place myself
Where ever you will be
I won't tell you what you want to hear
That just isn't me!

'Cause I refuse to beYour "typical girl"
There's plenty of her
In this world.
Why should I change myself
Into what you think I should be?
When all you've got to love-Is me.

I work like my fatherFearless of the dirt
My fingers earned their calluses
So keep your manicure!
I don't need constant attention
To edify myself
I don't need diamonds, or jewelry
Or any other wealth
When I ask to leave the room
You don't need to come along.
And when I'm upset with you
I'll tell you what went wrong.

'Cause I refuse to beYour "typical girl"
There's plenty of her In this world.
Why should I change myself
Into what you think I should be?
When all you've got to love-
Is me!

How embarassing!!!!

2008-09-18T16:27:00.003-06:00

Alright, so today I decided to take the bike to school because Dad couldn't pick me up after work. I rode it from my math class to the education building, where I had two classes. Then i rode it to the testing center so that I could take my math test. I left it there (because I work there later in the day) and took the shuttle back up to the main campus where I literally ran into my institute class....just a teensy bit late. After that I walked with Ryan to get lunch, ate and then got on the shuttle to get to work. Normal Thursday? That's what you think. I started work...things were going normal, walking around giving tests to people and giving instructions.

Little did I know.

My bike is just a teensy bit junky....alright, it's a heap of junk that was probably super glued 3 decades ago to keep it from falling apart. Well, the bike seat cover has almost completely come off, exposing the black foam underneath to any unsuspecting person...

The story goes on....

Right after I give the last instructions, I walk back up to the front desk. I say something random to Hilary and Mikelle, turn around, and sit down. "What is on your rear-end?!" Hilary exclaimed. "WHAT?!" I looked over my shoulder....I couldn't see what she was talking about. Mikelle: "It's black..it looks like you fell down or something!" I quickly recalled that I had not fallen down at all today. What could it be? Then Hilary asked :"Did you ride a bike today?"

Oh no. The bike. The black foam?

I bursted into laughter. "I rode a bike!!! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Both replied that they hadn't seen it before. But here I had been waltzing around campus all day with this black powdery-dustish stuff on me....

Think that is funny? Just wait, it gets better!!

While I'm trying to help a client, Mandi walks in. The girls are still giggling behind me and she walks up to them and whispers "Is this about her pants?"

Thanks Mandi.

And during all of this Sam is sitting unsuspecting in the lab. Unless he noticed too.....Of course, I'm sure the whole world knows about this now....

My Elementary Ed Field Experience....

2008-09-17T21:36:00.003-06:00

Week 1.....1.5 hrs

Today was my first time helping out at the AE elementary school! I loved being around the children, with all of their enthusiasm and energy. True, this energy can get out of hand, as I witnessed a couple of times. But Ms. B. was terrific at bringing chaos into order. She would count outloud from 10 to 1. By the time she got to 1, the class was quiet again! I was so amazed that something that simple would be so effective. That is definitely something I will remember to use while teaching!

I was able to help out with reading literacy this morning. Each of the students would take turns reading 2 paragraphs while their partners scored them on how well they did. One of the students asked me to read and so I did. He sighed as I read everything perfectly...I told him that I had had A LOT of practice and that he could get just as good if he kept practicing! He seemed okay with that idea. I also got to participate with a reader's theatre on Christopher Colombus. It was so enjoyable.

Week 2.....1.5 hrs

Ms. B and I were both running a little bit late this morning, so we didn't get to talk much before the 5th graders showed up. But we had just enough time for her to throw a couple of "word lists" at me and the names of three students who needed some help. I suppose that these word lists are kind of tests, but I tried to make it fun for each of them.

D., my first reader, had a little bit of trouble with "th" words. K. read his list PERFECTLY! He also told me about how he wants to read "The Hobbit" someday. Such a bright little one. Then came B. He did very well on a lot of the words but I'm not sure that he has been taught his phoenetic alphabet very well. He struggled with vowels. He had a hard time pronouncing words, so I had him spell them out. That helped him significantly.

Beethoven

2008-09-17T15:01:00.007-06:00

I hate playing Beethoven when I'm not in the mood. It's just so irritating. Don't get me wrong, I love Beethoven-with a passion. But I just wasn't in the mood today and "woodshedding" Beethoven on a decidedly non-Beethoven day is the WORST! The dynamic changes are aich'n provoking and those 32nd notes....atrocious! How can anyone play those??? I haven't even mentioned the dissonances and those minor 7th chords. Beethoven was mad. To expect anyone to play that...it's unbelievable!! Not to mention the string crossings...*sigh*

And yet....

His level of emotion is so amazingly intense! Each time I play a phrase or a movement I feel...I feel pain, anger, joy, frustration or peace. Who he is, and what he was feeling comes out through the music he wrote. Beethoven can never die as long as his music is still played. I die again and again when I listen to his music. That may sound weird, but it's true. I love Beethoven. But, I hate him. It's a great relationship :D

11pm......

2008-09-16T22:53:00.005-06:00

Here I am at 11pm. Blogging. Did I say it was 11? Yeah. I should be doing math homework, but I'm not. Instead, I'm here, blogging away. About what? I don't know yet. Maybe it will come if I keep typing and keep procrastinating math.

I said in an earlier post that it's the small, simple things in life that should make us happy. Yet, I can't help but hope and dream for the day when I finally get to wear that perfect white dress, and look into the eyes of a good man and know that he is mine forever. No more playing around, no more guessing, no more, no more. Just to be his and only his. To know. I long for that day more than ever. Yes, I am happy being single. I figure I lead a good life and that I have fun, but to share that fun with someone day in and day out, that seems good to me :D I just have to hang in there I guess. He'll find me eventually, right? But I'm not really looking for him, am I?

I suppose it would be easiest if I just let him ride the white horse up to my front door and sweep me off of my feet. I only think that because maybe I'm tired of going to the balls and trying to win the prince's heart. Those princes. They get it so easy. Announce a ball, then wait for everyone to show up, you have your pick of the ladies, kiss her by mid-night and the deal is sealed! Cinderella had it easy too! She had a fairy god-mother to take care of her. Ever thought about what the normal girls had to go through to get to the ball? And the Prince never even noticed them.

Hahah! Not that it is important to me anyways, but still. If I wasn't headed out on a mission maybe I'd be looking to hire a fairy god-mother.

From bad to worse to so much better

2008-09-12T13:08:00.004-06:00

I've been so stressed this week that I really haven't had much time to take care of myself or even think about what I need....Various outside sources have been pulling from me, to the point where my inner resevoir is almost completely empty. I should know better and I shouldn't let things get to me so much, but I do.

I had a really rough night, between math, a friend, and my family. Then I woke up this morning and things just seemed to get worse. I finally got to school and I couldn't understand anything that my math professor was saying....I took a math quiz online and scored a 70%. Then I went to my next class and the Human Development teacher had to go on and on about Sigmund Freud's theories....needless to say it was not exactly what I wanted to be lectured on for an hour. Then, came my Ethics and Values class. Which was probably the worst way EVER to end my school day with. Abortion, cannabalism, you name it. I could not run fast enough to get out of there!

Finally, lunch came and I met up with a friend of mine, Jazon. He and I were counselors at EFY together over the summer. We just sat in the school courtyard enjoying the cool mist from a waterfall and talked about the Gospel. And within a matter of minutes, my day went from bad to worse to so much better. It's amazing how different you feel when you finally get your focus back to the things that are important.

____________________________________________________________

I want to publically apologize to those who are closest to me, who have seen me behave at my worst, who have forgiven me for all my mistakes and who have put up with me. To them I owe so much, yet give so little. Life is too short to quarrel though! Can you forgive me? I have not behaved the best nor have I chosen to be respectful when I should have. I am not going to excuse myself, because what I did was not right. But you do need to understand that things are a little different now. I am different from the person that you knew before. More independent, more able to handle a larger load. Sometimes I bend under that load. I am sorry that I have not been strong enough to do it on my own yet. I'm going to try though so that this doesn't happen again.

Just Breathe

2008-09-11T13:07:00.004-06:00

Classes got out and I walked across the street to the library. The sun was so warm and inviting that I sat myself on a cement wall and just breathed. I closed my eyes and felt the wind play with my hair and caress my cheek. I listened to the sounds all around me-the whirrr of a bicycle and a shuffling as a tired student walked past me. The wind carried pieces of a distant conversation to me and rather than try and determine what was being said I simply listened to what I could hear, delighting in my sense of hearing. I listened as if I had never listened before. And I discovered that the world is more of an amazing place to be in when I just take the time to experience it.

We spend too much of life in a hurry, too much of it trying to get somewhere we are not. What would happen if we took time to enjoy where we are at and less time worrying about where we have to be. Stop thinking that you'll be happier when you gradaute from college, stop thinking

...We spend too much of life in a hurry, too much of it trying to get somewhere we are not...

that you will be happier when you are married, when you've bought your own house, when you get the big raise. Be happy now, and you won't have to worry about being "happier" later. Life can be a beautiful experience if you let it be!

As I sat on our University shuttle today I was a little bit disturbed to overhear someone say, "I'm never getting married! Marriage is over-rated anyways!" I was just curious to know why that person thought that way. What is over-rated about it? Perhaps it is the idea that finding that special person to share the rest of our lives means that we will always be happy and never have any trouble. I think that maybe this ties back into what I was just saying. Happiness isn't immediately aquired when something significant happens in your life. Happiness is all about your attitude. For example, you can be born, live and die happy in a squatter village in Peru, without anything "significant" happening. Or You could be miserable. Your attitude determines EVERYTHING! Choose to be happy now my friends, and you are choosing to be happy for the rest of your lives.

School and such

2008-09-10T14:14:00.003-06:00

Wowie! These past 3 weeks of school have been a serious SLAP in the face. I don't think I was quite ready to come back. In fact, I know I wasn't ready. However, I have learned in life that new things are usually the hardest during the first few weeks, then you seem to get the hang of it. At least, that's what I've always thought.

So,last night. I was at work till 8pm, and while I was there I was studying somewhat frantically for a math test I was supposed to take afterwards. I was so discouraged. And I went into the testing center discouraged and nervous, tired and hungry. Probably not the ideal circumstances to take a test in. The only thing of any comfort was the talk I had with a good friend beforehand. Good friends are just so hard to find these days.....Anyways. So I went in and took my test. It was hard and I just felt lost. And, if it is even possible, I walked out into the dark night even more discouraged than before.

It was cold and most of the street lamps were off as I trudged back back. But I hardly felt it. I was too emotionally worn out to even care. I called my dad and cried on the phone to him. I debated about dropping the math class. It would be easier to just quit, wouldn't it? And that's what I was going to do.

I drove home in the dark and returned a phone call to another good friend, whose timing couldn't have been more perfect! We had a wonderful talk and I felt my spirits lift just a little bit. But when I hung up and walked in my house, my little sister was there and asked how my day went. Being the woman that I am, the tears started to come again. She got me calmed down and eventually left my room. In the stillness I decided to go to the source of all comfort.....my knees.

Never mind what was said, but when I was finished and I opened my scriptures, I received an answer. Peace flooded through me and although I still know that this semester is going to be difficult to get through, I know that with the Lord on my side I can do anything!

Testing.....

2008-09-02T18:14:00.003-06:00

Alright, so this is my soap box of the day.....I just have to get this out!

In New York , there is a new testing program being established for Kindergartners. 65 Principals have already expressed interest in incorporating into their school systems. These tests would be approximately 60-90 minutes in length...written. Kindergatners are currently only tested in literacy, and those are 20-30 minute one on one exams with a teacher. Of course, pupils grades will not be effected by these tests. They are purely for assessment. Those involved say that testers would not have feelings of stress, anxiety or evaluation. Yeah right.

Why in the history of the world would a 5 year old need to take a 90 minutes assessment test??? What is the purpose? Maybe it's just me, but I don't even know a 5 year old who can concentrate on a coloring book for more than 10 minutes, let alone a math problem. Besides, do kindergartners even learn math? All I can remember from kindergarten is that I was told to color in the lines.

Yes, testing has its purposes. But for 5 year olds? Come on! We are turning our children in mechanical beings, robots that can perform and be measured. But what do we do with the ones that cannot perform to our expectations? Do we simply throw them out?

Whatever happened to coloring in kindergarten? To playing on the playground, drinking juice and eating goldfish crackers?

Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids?

Football in August!

2008-08-30T19:51:00.006-06:00

I love live football games! I love the families that wait in line for 2 hours before the gates open. And when the gate does open, I love the sound of the very first ticket scan-a pleasant chirp signaling the start of a new season. I love the smell of the concession stands-hot dogs, pretzels, popcorn and roasted almonds. But more than that, I love the deafening sound of the crowd when the home team scores, or the equally deafening silence when the favorite player goes down with an injury. The sunshine on the field and the blue sky overhead...the perfect day. The sea of blue and white, the band, the drumline, even the heat wasn't enough to ruin this day.

Our stadium holds about 65,000 people. 65,000 people left their air conditioning to come sweat on the bleachers as they cheered their team on! I can't help but think that each of those 65,000 people have individual lives...each are different, each have their own likes and dislikes. I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes that makes me feel so insignificant....so small. 1 in 65,000. How can I ever be found?

Just the beginning....

2008-08-29T16:27:00.001-06:00

When I was younger I had an dream of what my life would be like when I grew up. But, the more I grow-up, the more I realize that that dream is not happening. Sometimes I wonder what went wrong. But most of the time, I wonder how all of it went so right.

I suppose I was just being silly. I imagined my whole life out, only putting in the big moments, graduating from high school, going to college, marriage, raising a family etc. I never thought that, however important those big moments are, it's the little moments that I've fallen in love with.

Life is just so beautiful. Today I laid down on the soft grass under a tree and just stared into its sunshine touched leaves and the deep blue sky behind them. And I just breathed. All around me, the world just stopped. I stopped with it and took time to realize that no matter what life throws at you, you're still alive! You're still alive and there is a whole world worth enjoying out there.

As I look back on my life, I see hundreds of small incidents that have shaped me into who I am right now. Some of those were not the most pleasant experiences either! My life has not been all sunshine and roses. Some of it I've spent slogging through a swamp! But I would never want to change a thing. Those swamps and roses have brought me where I am now, and I am happy here!!