From bad to worse to so much better

I've been so stressed this week that I really haven't had much time to take care of myself or even think about what I need....Various outside sources have been pulling from me, to the point where my inner resevoir is almost completely empty. I should know better and I shouldn't let things get to me so much, but I do.

I had a really rough night, between math, a friend, and my family. Then I woke up this morning and things just seemed to get worse. I finally got to school and I couldn't understand anything that my math professor was saying....I took a math quiz online and scored a 70%. Then I went to my next class and the Human Development teacher had to go on and on about Sigmund Freud's theories....needless to say it was not exactly what I wanted to be lectured on for an hour. Then, came my Ethics and Values class. Which was probably the worst way EVER to end my school day with. Abortion, cannabalism, you name it. I could not run fast enough to get out of there!

Finally, lunch came and I met up with a friend of mine, Jazon. He and I were counselors at EFY together over the summer. We just sat in the school courtyard enjoying the cool mist from a waterfall and talked about the Gospel. And within a matter of minutes, my day went from bad to worse to so much better. It's amazing how different you feel when you finally get your focus back to the things that are important.

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I want to publically apologize to those who are closest to me, who have seen me behave at my worst, who have forgiven me for all my mistakes and who have put up with me. To them I owe so much, yet give so little. Life is too short to quarrel though! Can you forgive me? I have not behaved the best nor have I chosen to be respectful when I should have. I am not going to excuse myself, because what I did was not right. But you do need to understand that things are a little different now. I am different from the person that you knew before. More independent, more able to handle a larger load. Sometimes I bend under that load. I am sorry that I have not been strong enough to do it on my own yet. I'm going to try though so that this doesn't happen again.

Just Breathe

Classes got out and I walked across the street to the library. The sun was so warm and inviting that I sat myself on a cement wall and just breathed. I closed my eyes and felt the wind play with my hair and caress my cheek. I listened to the sounds all around me-the whirrr of a bicycle and a shuffling as a tired student walked past me. The wind carried pieces of a distant conversation to me and rather than try and determine what was being said I simply listened to what I could hear, delighting in my sense of hearing. I listened as if I had never listened before. And I discovered that the world is more of an amazing place to be in when I just take the time to experience it.

We spend too much of life in a hurry, too much of it trying to get somewhere we are not. What would happen if we took time to enjoy where we are at and less time worrying about where we have to be. Stop thinking that you'll be happier when you gradaute from college, stop thinking

...We spend too much of life in a hurry, too much of it trying to get somewhere we are not...

that you will be happier when you are married, when you've bought your own house, when you get the big raise. Be happy now, and you won't have to worry about being "happier" later. Life can be a beautiful experience if you let it be!

As I sat on our University shuttle today I was a little bit disturbed to overhear someone say, "I'm never getting married! Marriage is over-rated anyways!" I was just curious to know why that person thought that way. What is over-rated about it? Perhaps it is the idea that finding that special person to share the rest of our lives means that we will always be happy and never have any trouble. I think that maybe this ties back into what I was just saying. Happiness isn't immediately aquired when something significant happens in your life. Happiness is all about your attitude. For example, you can be born, live and die happy in a squatter village in Peru, without anything "significant" happening. Or You could be miserable. Your attitude determines EVERYTHING! Choose to be happy now my friends, and you are choosing to be happy for the rest of your lives.

School and such

Wowie! These past 3 weeks of school have been a serious SLAP in the face. I don't think I was quite ready to come back. In fact, I know I wasn't ready. However, I have learned in life that new things are usually the hardest during the first few weeks, then you seem to get the hang of it. At least, that's what I've always thought.

So,last night. I was at work till 8pm, and while I was there I was studying somewhat frantically for a math test I was supposed to take afterwards. I was so discouraged. And I went into the testing center discouraged and nervous, tired and hungry. Probably not the ideal circumstances to take a test in. The only thing of any comfort was the talk I had with a good friend beforehand. Good friends are just so hard to find these days.....Anyways. So I went in and took my test. It was hard and I just felt lost. And, if it is even possible, I walked out into the dark night even more discouraged than before.

It was cold and most of the street lamps were off as I trudged back back. But I hardly felt it. I was too emotionally worn out to even care. I called my dad and cried on the phone to him. I debated about dropping the math class. It would be easier to just quit, wouldn't it? And that's what I was going to do.

I drove home in the dark and returned a phone call to another good friend, whose timing couldn't have been more perfect! We had a wonderful talk and I felt my spirits lift just a little bit. But when I hung up and walked in my house, my little sister was there and asked how my day went. Being the woman that I am, the tears started to come again. She got me calmed down and eventually left my room. In the stillness I decided to go to the source of all comfort.....my knees.

Never mind what was said, but when I was finished and I opened my scriptures, I received an answer. Peace flooded through me and although I still know that this semester is going to be difficult to get through, I know that with the Lord on my side I can do anything!

Testing.....

Alright, so this is my soap box of the day.....I just have to get this out!

In New York , there is a new testing program being established for Kindergartners. 65 Principals have already expressed interest in incorporating into their school systems. These tests would be approximately 60-90 minutes in length...written. Kindergatners are currently only tested in literacy, and those are 20-30 minute one on one exams with a teacher. Of course, pupils grades will not be effected by these tests. They are purely for assessment. Those involved say that testers would not have feelings of stress, anxiety or evaluation. Yeah right.

Why in the history of the world would a 5 year old need to take a 90 minutes assessment test??? What is the purpose? Maybe it's just me, but I don't even know a 5 year old who can concentrate on a coloring book for more than 10 minutes, let alone a math problem. Besides, do kindergartners even learn math? All I can remember from kindergarten is that I was told to color in the lines.

Yes, testing has its purposes. But for 5 year olds? Come on! We are turning our children in mechanical beings, robots that can perform and be measured. But what do we do with the ones that cannot perform to our expectations? Do we simply throw them out?

Whatever happened to coloring in kindergarten? To playing on the playground, drinking juice and eating goldfish crackers?

Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids?