On the Path

Today I was thinking about a few things...

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you are doing enough? Are you serving enough people? Are you reading your scriptures enough every day? Are you...Are you..Are you???

Bruce C. Hafen, who later became a member of the Seventy, wrote:

“Some Church members feel weighed down with discouragement about the circumstances of their personal lives, even when they are making sustained and admirable efforts. Frequently, these feelings of self-disappointment come not from wrongdoing, but from stresses and troubles for which we may not be fully to blame. The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to these experiences because it applies to all of life. The Savior can wipe away all of our tears, after all we can do....

“The Savior’s atonement is ... the healing power not only for sin, but also for carelessness, inadequacy, and all mortal bitterness. The Atonement is not just for sinners” ( “Beauty for Ashes: The Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Ensign, Apr. 1990, 7 ).

And then here is a quote from Bruce R. McConkie...

"As members of the Church, if we chart a course leading to eternal life … and are going in the right direction … and, step by step and phase by phase, are perfecting our souls by overcoming the world, then it is absolutely guaranteed—there is no question whatever about it—we shall gain eternal life. …If we chart a course and follow it to the best of our ability in this life, then when we go out of this life we'll continue in exactly that same course" (Bruce R. McConkie, "Jesus Christ and Him Crucified," in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [1977], 400–401).

Le'ts keep things in perspective!

Opening my heart

This week...this month...perhaps even this whole semester...I've been afraid.

Afraid....

of what?

What do I have to fear? A lot of things actually. Being alone, spiders, bugs, the dark, being alone, scary people with weapons...or not so scary people that still have weapons...getting mugged, being alone (did I say that I'm afraid of being alone?). I hate being alone.

But I think that there is something even worse than being afraid of being alone, or spiders..

And that is being afraid to trust.

I never thought that I was afraid to trust till just recently. Let's just say I've been doing some reflecting. And it isn't that I'm afraid to trust people-I trust people completely until they prove that they aren't trustworthy. But there is one thing that I am afraid to trust people with:

My heart.

I suppose it is my greatest treasure, my favorite color of crayon...

My inmost self.

It is the thing that is the easiest and the hardest thing to give people. What if they take it and trample it (or, taking the crayon analogy, melt it??)? Or what if it was handled gently and kindly? Would it be worth the risk of giving it, not knowing what would happen?

Trampled hearts hurt. A lot. I know because I've had that happen to me a few times(who hasn't?). And the next time someone comes along, and you think about opening up and giving your heart, you are just a little reluctant to give it.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. And then I read a blog post today that made me think:

"Love. Let yourself love. You will never regret opening your heart when you realize it opens your life to the best this world has to give."-M'kynzi

I so needed to hear that today.

And here's a quote from Mark Twain:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Or in the words of Natasha Bedingfield:

Release your inhibition
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let in
Drench your life with words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I suppose it's time to remember that....living life with arms wide open, throwing off the bowlines and opening my heart.

At least I won't regret holding back.

Today

Today I woke up at 6am.

Today I packed my bags.

Today I went to class.

Today I went to work.

Today I drove 40 miles to the airport.

Today I made it through security at the airport without having to have any "thorough" searches made.

Today I met a girl names Karlie who want to become an English Teacher and goes to the university in the Valley. It's her first year away from home.

Today we are flying to Long Beach California.

So that Today I can go to DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is a GREAT day.

Trusting in Him

Tonight I had a revelation...I wrote in my last post that I would share something spiritual that I learned about my rotten tuesday. So, here it is...

I learned that I just need to keep trusting the Lord. He has promised me blessings, and promised that if I keep His commandments, I will be fine.

So why do I worry?

Because my natural woman can't stand not knowing what is going on...

Yet, I do know. I know that whatever happens, as long as I am doing everything that I can to deserve the blessings, He will keep His promises.

He always does.

So no more stressing :D

Worse than a month of Mondays...

Today was hard.


Worse than a month of Mondays. And Monday hates me. Every week, at the same time, it's always the same. It's insane.

And today was my mid-term break down. Complete with bawling my eyes out to an Institute teacher, crying in the math lab and then taking my math test. I feel a little better now though. But my thoughts are incoherent. Completely. If you hadn't noticed. I think this post is a vent to get this incoherence out of me so I can function.

So I'm sitting on my couch wearing a new pair of boots listening to my roommate's rebellious rock music...and enjoying myself. When I don't want to think about things I listen to heavier music. Which is a little odd. But when I want to think I listen to classical. I usually do math homework to heavier music (before you think me a sinner, I consider Jonas Brothers as "heavy")..

Enough......rambling.....

Good night.

Tomorrow I will post a spiritual lesson that I learned from this frightful day.

I just have to read my scriptures to figure it out first.

Night.

Abide With Me, 'tis Eventide

Today has been one of those days. Well, Monday and Tuesday this week could be classified as "one of those days".

The long days.

The tiring days.

The days where no matter what you do, or no matter how many people you help, you still feel as if you have accomplished absolutely NOTHING. And it isn't that you feel like you have been idle, it's that empty feeling...the feeling that makes you cry yourself to sleep. I guess it is a lonely emptiness.

These are the days that "try men's souls" as Thomas Paine would have put it.

And I definitely feel that my soul is being tried.

So I climbed into bed tonight and returned to doing the basic things that President Uchtdorf asked us to do in General Conference....prayers, reading my scriptures and writing in my journal.

As I started to write I turned my iTunes on...and listened to my Sunday playlist of hymns. And the first one to come on describes exactly how I am feeling tonight.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee,
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

How can I ever live without Him walking by my side? Why have I ever tried? I have refused to take the burdens from my shoulders and place them on His. And I'm not entirely sure why. I suppose my independent nature has escaped my control-to the point where I am unable to see how important it is for me to release these burdens!

I cannot carry them alone.

The night is too dark to refuse any longer.

Only He....only He can carry them for me.

Loaves and Fishes

My Institute class this semester is the first half of the New Testament, the Gospels. It's wonderful to be able to dive into the Savior's words and parables, and take from them application for our lives.

Today we read about the feeding of the 5000 in Matthew 14:14-21:

15 ¶ And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals.

16 But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.

17 And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes.

18 He said, Bring them hither to me.

19 And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.

20 And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full.

21 And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.

It is a miracle that a child could retell to you without any hesitation. Yet it's meaning is so personal, so individual, even 2000 years later.

When I read this today I had a thought come to my mind. We are like the young boy who brought his 5 loaves and 2 fishes to the Savior. "Here are my loaves and fishes!" we say. "Here are my talents, my attributes, here are the things that I am working so hard on!". Perhaps it is trying to become a better missionary, a better friend, a more Christ-like individual or perhaps it is to serve in your calling as a Primary, Sunday School, or Relief Society teacher. We bring our loaves and fishes before him.

And what does he do?

He feeds 5000 with our meager supply.

He magnifies every effort that we make, every step in the right direction is a leap. With His aid, we are able to be better teachers, stronger friends, and more faithful disciples.

He takes our 5 loaves and 2 fishes and not only feeds the 5000, but fills 12 baskets with them afterwards.

If you bring all that you have, He will make it work. You may only be able to feed 1 person with your small loaves and fishes, but the Lord is able to take care of the rest-the 4,999.


I have been talking with someone lately about how hard it is sometimes to follow the Lord's plan when we don't know where that will take us. Sometimes He takes the wheel and guides us. Other times He gives us the directions and we drive, not knowing where we are, or where we are going till we get there.

The Lord could have told His disciples EXACTLY what He was going to do. Instead, He let them find the solution. He let them drive.

This is proof that He truly is the Master Teacher. For example, let me ask you a question. What would happen to our development if He always told us exactly what to do? Would we ever be able to grow?

I think about my life and how I have looked at not knowing what lies before me on the path. I regret that sometimes I have been upset, but I learned a long time ago that He is so much better at this than I am. I am grateful that He is leading me. I am grateful that He magnifies my little loaves and fishes. And I am just fine with following the path that He lays before me.

Am I afraid of the uncertainty?

No.

He has led me thus far! My life is wonderful. I have so many blessings. How would I ever be able to be afraid when He is the one leading and directing me?

Because I know in Whom I have put my trust.